#Anyway if my mom is fine with it (she is also homophobic but i think she'll go with it) then im getting rainbow shoelaces

[aveline-shepard]

ALSO I need you all to know that my aunt heard me affectionately talking about someone and later when my cousin drove her home, was like "I didn't know she was gay!" And, like, kudos to my aunt who was 100% cool with that (though surprised) and did not make a big deal about it in the moment, but I later had to inform her that my bestie and I are unfortunately not a couple because she is tragically heterosexual. I mean, with that said though, she is right and I AM gay.

[antinous-is-alive]

Intro:

"Well, isn't this a little good moment to introduce myself to you?... I, am Antinous. That is all you really need to know... Trust me, I'm not what people say..."

<----------------------------------------------------------------------->

Age?:

"What do you think, champ?... Eh... I'll tell you anyway... 19, almost 20."

Pronouns?:

"He/Him, duh... Though, I occasionally go by they/them when people have no idea who I am... Which, is rare enough as is..."

Sexually attracted to?:

"Hm. Women, mainly. Some men are cool, too."

Relationships?:

"Mm... Do we really need to get into that?... Fine... Let me list some "friends", how about that, huh?:" <TAG LIST, You can asked to be added or removed. You will be tagged in lore, open starters, and maybe another few things.>

@wisdomwielder "She's... Okay."

@maggiemelodies09 "She's kind of cool."

@googlyeyedlucy "She... She's perfect <3." (AWW!!!) "SHUT-"

@hesjust-a-boy "Most adorable little dude ever ^^."

Ianthe (no tag) "You touch my child, I swear to the Gods and Goddesses..."

@helna-the-star-of-light "The Light Goddess, she's... Well. Pretty obvious, I think."

Dislikes?:

"Odysseus... His son, too. That Little Wolf thinks he knows everything there is, now that his father's back... Anyway... I also dislike anyone that tries to challenge, or deny me. That counts for multiple ways of such, of course."

Likes?:

"Anyone I can stare at, and they won't get upset. The color red, I guess? Weapons. Don't you dare ask, champ..."

<----------------------------------------------------------------------->

"Hi, hi, hello!!! My name's Ianthe of Ithaca! Antinous is my adoptive father :D!"

Age?:

"I'm 8! *Holds up a number of eight fingers*"

Pronouns?:

"She/her ^^!"

Sexually Attracted To?:

"... Huh-? 🤔"

Relationships?:

"Oh-! Yeah, sure! Let me give you a few!:" <TAG LIST, Ask to be added or removed, you will be tagged in lore, open starters, and maybe more.>

Antinous "Adoptive dad!!! Best guy in the whole world ^^!"

@/maggiemelodies "Maggie :D! She's super nice!"

@/googlyeyedlucy "My mom! She's alsk really nice!"

@/hesjust-a-boy "Astyanax :3. He's so cool!"

Dislikes?:

"Mean people, fighting... Arguing... Hitting... Yelling... Basically anything similar to-... Violence, and my "family"..."

Likes?:

"Flowers, mainly daises and peony's! Watching sunsets and staying up to look at the stars! The ocean, is also cool... I have a lot more things, though, :3!"

(OOC undercut)

Hello! Mod here, and I'm going to give you some more insight on how the heck this man is alive!:

This is an AU, if that wasn't obvious. In said AU, he still sang Hold Him Down, but, instead of HIM being shot in the throat by Ody, Eurymachus takes the shot for him. Somehow, Antinous managed to get away from the palace, and took a ship out into the sea. (He literally just ran off.)

He later returns (which will be shown within an open starter. With a specific time that he's been gone for.)

As for Ianthe, you'll find out! This blog now will be shared by this cute child, and the suitor guy lol.

Nothing NSFW! Sure, suggestive things, that's probably gonna be fine most of the time. I mean, it's Antinous, right lol? As for Ianthe... ABSOLUTELY NOT. NO LOVE. NOTHING, SHE'S A CHILD <3!!!

No godmodding, will you ^^?

Don't control my blog in roleplays!

Anyone that is homophobic, racist, etc, WILL BE BLOCKED!

This blog is for fun. Don't be upset if I portray Antinous wrong ^^. Ianthe will be portrayed as I please, seeing how she is an OC, if you couldn't tell ^^.

Antinous will probably flirt with people wayyy too often... "I will." SHUT UPPP-!

Ianthe will probably have many panic attacks from violence... So... Do remember that :').

Antinous Tags!:

In Character: "Hold Him Down! ⚔️"

Romance/Fluff (that's gonna be rare... LOL. Maybe not the romance, though): "Wanna Entertain Me? 🌹"

Violence/Anything Of That Same Category: "While I Slit His Throat... 💀"

Out of character posts (this does not include things with OOC in the tags when roleplaying): "Whatcha Gonna Do About It Champ? 🏆"

Antinous and God/Goddess interactions?: "Don't You Know It's Fight Or Fly? 🕊️"

Antinous and Telemachus interactions: "I Heard He's On A Diplomatic Mission. 🗺️"

Antinous and Odysseus interactions: "-We'll Bring Blood And Tears. 🩸"

Camp-Halfblood AU, Antinous: " One of the Oldest In Camp. 🔱 "

" Memories Have Meaning. 💎 " — Memory Stone!AU

Ianthe Tags!:

" The Little "Princess" Speaks - 💖 " — Ianthe In-character.

" Hi hi hello! - 👋 " — Ianthe Fluff.

" My Dreams Are Just Dreams... - 💭 " — Ianthe Angst/Violence/Panic Attacks.

" Child Shenanigans! - 🤭 " — Ianthe Out Of Roleplay. (Won't include roleplays with occasionally OOC's in them!)

" Um... Hello?... - 🪷 " — Ianthe God/Goddess Interactions.

" The Prince?! - 🗡️ " — Ianthe and Possible Telemachus Interactions.

" Just A Girl... 🥀 " — Ianthe and Possible Odysseus Interactions.

" What Is This Place? 🌠 " — Camp-Halfblood AU, Ianthe.

" Memories Are Distant 💨 " — Memory Stone!AU.

Antinous' text will be red when he is speaking.

Actions will be typed with this text.

Ianthe's text will be purple when she is speaking.

Actions will be typed like so! Both characters are very similar in text styles (like many of my characters are lol.)

There won't be any cursing, just to keep this a bit more minor friendly, for myself as well.

Check out my other blogs:

Main: @s7nnydrop-flower

Lore: @lore-and-roleplay-blog

Pjo OCs(own characters):

@frieda-dear-of-aphrodite

@ulius-of-erebus

Epic: The Musical OCs(own characters) and Characters:

@helna-the-star-of-light

@its-a-little-bit-dangerous

@you-can-r3lax-my-fr3ind

@lyre-player-of-the-sun

@manipulate-and-c4lm-voic3

@an-ithacan-princess

@prophet-with-the-answers

Zelda TotK and BotW (OCs and Characters):

@lil-cel-saku-esso-yuu-and-reza

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - April 2

overwhelming anon (new), camaraderie anon (new), fortnight anon (new), nyx anon, 14 anon

overwhelming anon

Hey cas

So I realized I am gay. About 2 months ago.

Some shit happened, and um, there is a trans man in my class, and he asked me out, I didn't say yes, sure we flirted a bit but I rejected him at the end and we were okay, talking only as friends, flirting or leading someone is not involved.

Then I realized I don't really feel comfortable dating with trans men unless they had surgery. And I see them as men, I don't misgender and I try my best to make sure they know I support them but I just, don't feel attracted to them?

Anyway, I feel bad now, am I transphobic? I swear I am not uncomfortable with their presence, I have trans friends, a woman and a nonbinary, and I am still friends with the guy who asked me out before. I grew up with homophobic/transphobic parents so I am not sure what's okay and what's not most of the part. I spent a lot of time trying to unlearn things and be a good ally , then I found out I am into guys and now I am afraid of doing something wrong or offending someone I know- my friend circle is mostly queer and they grow up in accepting houses. So when I don't know something or when I dont know something is offensive, they act like it's common sense and I don't blame them, it is to them, but to me everything is too new and it's overwhelming and I don't want to have sick thoughts like my parents and feel so much guilty and I don't know what to do I am sorry

Hi!

No, this isn't transphobic. If you didn't see them as the gender they'd transitioned to, it would be. But you do. You're just not attracted to the parts they have, and that's okay, imo. Everyone has preferences and that's fine. I think as long as you're gentle and kind about it, then there's nothing wrong with that.

It sounds like you're doing a lot of work to unlearn the things you've been taught and to be better than the people who taught you those things. Nobody's perfect, and I really admire you for putting in the effort to admit when you're wrong and to keep learning <3

____________

camaraderie anon

Hey cas. I think its really cool that you give advice to so many people. And I have a problem.

Im a senior in highshcool and Ive been part of a sports team for about 3 years. This is my last season. When I joined, another girl, let's call her K, also joined. K is disabled, and rhe team had to do some adapting to allow her to participate, but everyone was more than willing. A local group helped build some special equipment, new safety procedures were written, etc. I was pretty good friends with K, we had similar interests and hung out a lot, mostly watching movies and playing video games, outside of practice. I know other girls on the team also hung out with her outside of practice but she rarely participated in group activities, though i cant say for sure exactly how often she and I were invited to the same events. This time last year, however, we had a competition. Comps have different events and each event gets a different group entered in it, but each girl can have multiple events, generally we each get at least 2 events. K and I were entered in events together a lot, just because of what her disability allowed and what I personally enjoyed. This was no exception. However, K made a pretty bad mistake and really messed up that event for our group. I was a bit upset, but didnt show it. The next day, K comes to me a tells me that another team had actually made a mistake and her "mistake" was a reaction to that, that it was the only thing to do at rhe time. This was a lie, i was there, I knew what happened. She was trying to cover for herself. I was wayyyy more made about the lie than the mistake, because I value trust. This time she blamed another team but next time what if she blames me to cover for herself and then it ends up as a he said she said? However, she had already told the coaches and her mom the story, as well as anyone else that would listen. Whatever. I let it go.

But i didn't really stay friends. We stopped hanging out. Partly because of the lie and partly because she moved across town.

This season, my last, we continue to have issues. Everyone has always been super understanding about the physical aspect of her ability, but I think that the mental part of her condition was never really discussed, or maybe the patterns are more personality? Regardless, most people dont like being in groups with her. There are some other more complex team hierarchy issues at play but my thing is, im not competitive enough to pursue this in college, its solely for fun. I dont need to be able to work with anyone, I want tk ahve fun. Being in groups with her is so so stressful, because we have to meet and talk about strategies to deal with her mistakes, etc, and then basically divide up her job between us. When she joined, we all assumed it would be a learning curve, but when it comes down to it, shes not good at this. Dialbilty or otherwise, other kids who made the mistakes she has have gotten pulled as safety hazards. Its stressful and its frankly dangerous. Im sad because I really liked her as a person when we were friends, but I thjnk if her mom wasnt always pushing for specially treatment and acting like everyone is ableist if she doesn't get to do x number of events... idk. I feel bad. Genuinely. I wouldn't mind doing an event or 2 with her. But its every single event in every competition and it sucks the fun, camaraderie, and sportsman ship out of everything. There are plenty of things im not good at and I fully expect I wouldn't make try outs for a team for any of them! I understand that sometimes accommodations need to be made (my sister is also disabled. I really do understand) idk. Im sad and frustrated and I feel bad but I dont want to do this anymore. Mom and dad want to talk to the coaches and see if I can just have one event per comp without her.

Sorry that was so long. Take it as a vent or tell me what you'd do, either way. Thanks cas

Hi!

Honestly I think this is something to talk to the coach about. Like I think you need to figure out...is this issue- the safety issue and the inability to do well issue- because of her disability or because she seems to be unable to own up to her own mistakes and work as a team? If it's because of her disability, better and more thoughtful accommodations need to be made so everyone is safe and so you are still able to compete in a way that's fun for you. And if it's not her disability, then she should be treated like any other member of the team and get coaching or even a consequence because she's not being a team player.

Does the coach know about this? If they don't, then I would tell the coach first, and ask for help. If they do, then yeah, I would ask to not always be paired with this girl. Sometimes adults forget that just because you're nice doesn't mean you should always be paired with someone who might need your help. But honestly if this is a safety issue, as you say, then THAT is the big point to make. Yes, we need to include people, but not when it causes anyone to be in danger. And yes, I am absolutely in agreement that accommodations and inclusion are SUPER important, but it needs to be done in a thoughtful way, and it sounds like that might not be happening.

I hope talking to the coach helps! <3

____

fortnight anon

ok, this is my first time asking something like this, I just couldn't really think of anyone else to ask (redacted)

Hi <3

This is absolutely NOT okay. Nope. Not at all. Do any other adults know about this?

_____

nyx anon

Honestly I'm so mad for you. Is there someone you can report this to? Would your year's head teacher help?

____

14 anon

Cas on Thursday I confessed to one of ny best friends that I read jegulus fanfiction and she was so cool about it and let me ramble and it feels like a weight has been taken off my chest.

I still haven’t told my other best friend about it though bc I’m not sure how she’d react. She’s not a bad person or anything, she’s not homophobic or transphobic I think she’d just find it weird, and she’s the only friend I talk to outside of school. If I lose her I basically lose half my life motivation.

-

I made a google form with the whole marauders fandom thing at the end and sent it to my other best friend and I’m just waiting now and I’m so scared

-

She’s acting a bit strange now but I asked if she found it weird and she just said “ur weird I’m used to it” and I think she’s just indifferent about it??

She’s the only friend I have outside of school so I just hope everything is ok.

Had a panic attack waiting for her response btw

Anyways bye I’m gonna go rethink my decision.

Hi!

Honestly from the few people I've told, I've gotten similar reactions. Like "Wow okay. That's weird. Anyway..." But I don't think it's a bad thing, I wouldn't worry too much about it. Like I'm sure your friend has things she does that she's worried you find weird, too. Friends are supposed to care, even if you're weird. I'm so glad your other friend let you talk about it!

[kestreljaylover]

My Top 10 Favorite Warrior Cats.

Cinderpelt was the main source of entertainment and enthusiasm in book 2, and 3 and I love that! She would have made it higher is the authors (don't remember the name, and too lazy to look it up) didn't kill her off so soon. Twilight was so annoying, the entire book was terrible, and I was so sad when she died. And her disability was very terribly written. She broke her leg by a car, and she can't be a warrior anymore. I would discuss about it all day long, but I need to move on to #9.

I love our little fruit loop! I mainly love Tallstar's character because of his Super Edition. Tallstar's Revenge is my favorite Euper Edition of all of warrior cats. The characters in the book got stuff done for once. (I don't remember all of the super editions, it has been a long time since I read them). And his little relationship with Jake is super cute! I met someone at a library and she doesn't like Tallstar x Jake. She was a homophobic, and I hate homophobes. She just make me angry, so I never talked to her again. Anyway, I just thought the bowtie idea was cute, and I decided to put that in.

I really love frostpaw because I can relate to her issues, but I think she was like a reboot of Shadowsight. Which Shadowsight was fine, no problem with him. I think frostpaw is just a cute name in general. I have never drawn her before, so i had to some up with grays on the spot. Anyway the next one!

Now we got some of the best kitties in my eyes! Ravenpaw was my favorite characters in the books before someone else came along that will be in #1. But he was basically the start of the series besides Firestar. Think about it, he tells him what happened with the Tigerstar situation. Firestar would have never known if Ravenpaw didn't spill the truth. And I think him moving to the farm was probably the best thing that has happened to him. Barley is not my favorite, it is just that I wanted to draw them. Next one!

Honestly Lightleap is probably the best character in arc 8 because she is so entertaining and snarky. The best type of character. And she caused a lot of drama which I love. It sucks that she has not been there much in book 3 and 4 of A Starless Clan.

She was supposed to be #4, but I forgot I didn't do 5, so instead of thinking more, I just put her there. Briarlight is the only good cat in her family. Mille is very mental, Blossomfall is very bad, and is very.... dramatic? I don't know how to describe it. Graystripe who i don't know what is going on in his head, and Bumblestripe who obsessed with a girl who doesn't want him. Briarlight is the sweetest cat and her death in the fourth or fifth book in AVOS was very sad. I love her friendship with her best friend, Jayfeather. (Yes, best friend! Jayfeather is gay in my head! I don't care if he loved Half Moon). Briarlight is just great! Love her!

Don't really have a reason to put her up here. Maybe I am just obsessed with the name i gave her. I was gonna switch her and Briarlight out, but oh well. I mainly like first arc Bluestar not her super edition (I mean, who does like her super edition)? I just like calling her Queen of the double wide.

Here's Dovewing! My baby! I am happy to put her here on this list! I really don't understand why some people hate Dovewing. She is a great protagonist, and a good mom as well. And also I feel bad for her because she was forced to be with him (Bumblestripe) for a while because of peer pressure. But I am glad she made to choice to get out of the pain.

AAAHHH! SQUIRRELSTAR!!! SHE'S HERE! I have been waiting for 4 years for this. She is basically just like me. (Except the shortness! I am not short). I do what is right, but I don't need approval from anyone. Honestly her husband is a dickhead, so I am glad he stepped down. I wished he would have died though.

JAYFEATHER! HE IS MY FAVORITE KITTY EVER! Does anyone need to explain why he is some people's favorite? Well I do. I can relate to him because everyone is an idiot! The books make them really dumb sometimes, and points out Jay's blindness. And guess who points this out? Jayfeather! He is my favorite for that reason. He is grumpy, but has a valid reason for it. And I can't get myself started on his boyfriend. He is not that interesting, but seeing fanart of Jayfeather and Kestrelflight just makes a smile on my face. (Dusklight for example, go follow them! One of the remaining kestreljay fans, and their work is flawless)! Honestly the sunglasses idea was random. I love a video that someone posted on Christmas day, https://youtu.be/ijd4YaXCjIQ?si=QY8NmE_tV46Yk_8x anyway, that is it. I am tired. :(

[anotherrosesthatfell]

╰┈➤Love sick

Don't ask your family about love 💀

Also, Alphonse have reasons why he gave the worst advises. First, because he is homophobic. Second, he just want to see drama

"Brother I need help." Angst said nervously as he fiddle with his fingers.

This is not a scene you can see everyday so Crescent is quite surprised.

"Of course but let me finish my prayer first. You can pray too if—"

"I need help about love-"

Crescent eyes sparks as he immediately left his prayers.

"of course brother! I have so many advices to tell you!"

Angst could tell this is going to be a long speech...

*a few hours later*

It's indeed a long speech.

"So what I need to do is to love him back, ask him on a date then kiss him?" Angst asked. "Is that what people with emotions should do?"

"Yeah duh, I read many novels about it. The heroine confessed to emotionless Duke and they both got the romantic arc yet heroine ran away because the Duke suddenly ignore her. The duke went crazy and obsessed with heroine so he kidnapped her and emotionally plus physically abuse her HAHAHAHA—" crescent realized he rambled nonsense. "I apologizes for my vulgar words, brother."

"Interesting...? So is that how love should be?" asked Angst.

"I mean yeah I guess.. Like mother and father... ... But please be nothing like father. Just inherited his possessive and obsessive behavior, that's so romantic in novel!" Said Crescent.

"Really...?" Angst still questioning whether it's a good idea to asked his twin brother. "How to love him back then..?"

"Oh, that's easy. Just think 24/7 hours about him." claimed Crescent. "I always thought about the God Sol and pray for him every hours."

"Right... You totally did not think of that model boy." Angst rolled his eyes and scoffed.

"If you're going to accuse me for adultery then no, I did not commit such sins. I just have this unfortunate feelings and I am mature enough to pray so my sins will be forgiven." Crescent is quick to defend himself.

"Yeah, yeah whatever. Believe whatever you want to believe." Angst got up from his seat. "Thanks for the advice, brother..."

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

"Mom. This may sounds weird but could you give me some advice about love?"

Killer coughs after hearing her son request.

"Huh???" She did not expect for Angst asked such question. "Uhm... Angst do you like someone?"

"uh... I'm not sure but he confessed to me and said he likes me." Said Angst.

"Oh... Is it your friend Gradient...?" Asked Killer.

"yeah..."

Killer smiles at her son and pat his head. "You two make a good couple, Gradient truly like you. So you must like him back. He'll be sad if a gentleman like you reject him." Said Killer.

"Hmm... Alright, I see..."

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

"Father, I need advice about love—"

Alphonse choked on his coffee.

"What the fuck???" Alphonse is in disbelief.

"Just give me some words about love." He frown. "you lived for centuries, you must fell in love with many women." accused Angst.

"I did not." Alphonse sighed and say, "Take a seat son, I just know some relationship advice to give you."

"Alright, I'm fine with it." Angst then took a seat as he wait patiently for his father words.

"I take that Gradient confessed to you...?" Alphonse only have a disappointment expression now.

"Why mom and you knew it right away?"

"That boy can't hide his feelings. I'm surprised you are oblivious despite how many times he show he is in love with you." Said Alphonse. "But anyway... Talking about this, you have to keep that boy on leash."

"Why?"

"You know the reason very well. You and I are not so different, we both became 'lovesick' to our loved one." Alphonse grin. "I mean look at Crescent... He's all over that disgusting boy." Alphonse rolled his eyes.

"Oh..." Angst nodded.

"Don't be so down, Angst. Look at the bright side, you will have Gradient by your side forever and he won't have to leave you. Violence is necessary if he decide to disobey." Said Alphonse.

"I'm not like you...-"

"I haven't finish my talk yet." Alphonse cut him off. "You don't have to hurt him physically, instead you should do it mentally. Maybe hurt yourself if he decide to leave or manipulated him thinking you're the victim." Alphonse then pour a glass of wine for Angst. "Drugging him is also necessary... Just in case if he decide to fight against you."

"..." Angst nodded as he listened to the explanation.

Alphonse smile proudly and hand the wine over Angst.

"Cheer up son, at least the kingdom will have two rulers to take over." Said Alphonse.

"Right..." Angst took the glass of wine and drank it. "Thanks for the talk, it's quite useful."

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

Love and obsession.

Angst can't tell the difference between them. He likes Gradient right?

Yes, Gradient confessed to him. He made Angst to have this emotions, so he must take the responsibility.

But what kind of emotions...?

Desperation and obsession. It's not a pure love, no...

Angst seem to mistaken the emotions for love. That's why he desperately need Gradient. So he can feel secure.

Gradient is the only one who support and nice to him right? No one else right?

"Oh, Angst you're here!" Gradient walk towards Angst and greeted him.

"ah... Gradient." Angst grin as he hold Gradient chin. "The answer is yes, I love you too."

And that's when the chase between predator and prey started...

[meet-the-coffee]

BEFORE YOU INTERACT WITH ME OR MY POSTS, READ THIS!!

But I understand if you just reblogged from a reblog and don't really see this first lmao

First of all, I just wanna say, this is an 18+ blog.

Preferably even 20+.

Anyway, Read below please :]

Short info:

Name: Coffee / Bell

Age: 25

Pronouns: She/Him, or literally any lmao

LGBTQ+? Yes, bisexual as fuck. Or... i guess pan.... wait... idk, i'm confused. Also obviously bigender!!

Nationality: Swedish

Belief: none, or... kind of Witchcraft?? But not really active.

Other: Medicated for ADHD. Also autistic.

DO NOT INTERACT [DNI] if any of these relates to you:

You're below 18.

Pro-Shipper (problematic and fucked up ships)

Age Regression Kink

DDLG, DDLB, MDLG, MDLB

Transphobic

Homophobic

Racist

Sexist

Ableist (yes, autism moms, you too.)

Zoophilia / Pedophilia / any of that fucked up shit

You think mlm or wlw is "sexy"/hot. (Unless you are part of such a relationship lmao. This is because sexualization of people is fucked up especially if you're fetishizing them.)

You think Cringe Culture is unironically alive (fuck that. Autism wins !!!)

Enforcer of ANY belief. Yes, even the one I'm somewhat part of. And yes, even the belief that there is no god and/or you should abandon your religion.

If any of these makes you think "hey, I'm that!!" Then... well, some of them are a little more fine than others for you to interact with me... but some of them are strict no. Like the anti-lgbtq+ shit, or the fetish stuff. Nah dude.

Minors, PLEASE stay out. You can come back when you're 18 :) you'll understand when you're my age 🫶

[ashitshowforalot]

hi i’m going to rant about my parents/ family bc i came out of my therapy session and i am angry, you do not need to read this in anyway bc there are some heavier topics like abuse and generational trama

my parents are fucking narcissists but are also deeply traumatized

i’m puerto rican on both sides but my moms side is why i think of myself as a mixed kid

my dads just puerto rican and spaniard ( that’s probably only bc of colonization but family did come over here from puerto rico (probably after it was declared a us territory bc i don’t think we have any documentation on it))

my mom on the other hand is also puerto rican (and french but same deal bc colonization) but this woman is fucking south east asian (Bangladesh/Pakistan) and decides that just bc she’s pale she can go about life pretending to be a white woman. it fucking infuriates me because assimilation has convinced her that all the shit that happened to her won’t matter if she pretends that she’s white. it kills me bc i also came out fucking pale and for years i had my identity invalidated and belittled ( i was quite literally called the white kid of my family) bc my parents cut off all their ties to their culture. yeah i’m pale but unfortunately i’m too fucking mixed to fit in with the white kids and bc i was never actually taught spanish or was able to fully embrace my own culture i’m too fucking white for the spanish kids. it’s just like i’m never gonna fit in anywhere bc generational trama and poverty has convinced this woman that pretending like she is white and that her kids are white she’ll be fine. i got fucking abused by an alcoholic/drug addict in her pursuit of the white american dream, and it fucks me over every time i have to think about it. it kills me that i am somehow a step ahead of where my mother was in her life because i fucking graduated highschool and didn’t drop out and get my GED. it makes me so angry that i’ve been fucked over since before i was born, but there is actively no one at fault bc so has she.

and don’t even get me started on my dad bc he’s exactly the fucking same, he has fucking mixed kids and pretends to be a fucking white guy bc he’s pale and he can. and he plays into all of the same toxic stereotypes my mother does for the white american dream. god he took it to the next fucking level by getting with a woman (my parents are divorced have been since before i started kindergarten) who plays into all of the karen stereotypes ( this woman has actively displayed racist, homophobic, and transphobic behavior, and probably more that i can’t think of right now) and wonders why i don’t want to see him all the time. god he went on a whole rant one time on why kids need to have both parents in their life (referring to a mother and a father), he said that to me his openly gay and at the time i was in the closet about my gender identity, but it’s like, you and your wife have made it perfectly clear you do not respect my identity in any way so why would i want to talk to you. and like i understand this man grew up without his dad bc he died but i think actively emotionally (and later on physically) abandoning your children bc you don’t know how to be a father figure DOES NOT SCORE YOU POINTS IN THE FATHER DEPARTMENT.

god i’m just so fucking angry of being used by my family bc i’m younger than them. IVE BECOME A PARENT TO MY SISTERS CHILD BECAUSE SHE IS EXACTLY A REFLECTION OF MY MOM. i am so tired of it all

[arquivista]

im bi. i told my classmates because i think theyre ok with most stuff. i didnt tell my father though. nor anyone in my family. if they knew i think i would be flushed down the toilet. like a clownfish. that means hed fucking murder me. kill me on the spot. my mom would just ban me from her house and thats fine i dont live that. but im scared of dad. grandmas homophobic but i think shell be like fine with it if i tell her. but shes gonna insist i go to church and also probably tell dad, which is why i dont trust her. grandpas a mess and i dont tell him anything. anyways

I'm gonna say it here too. Allow me to be crystal fucking clear.

It is not cowardly to stay in the closet. Full stop. You do not owe anyone any part of yourself you aren't ready to share

If you unable to come out because you fear for your safety or well-being or because you know it will cause you substantial discomfort, that is not a defect in you. It's a failure of the society in which you live and the community surrounding you.

If you just don't want to share that part of yourself, that is valid and I support you

[nonnie-confessions]

tw mentions of childhood abuse and sexual abuse

sorry if this it too heavy, i'm not really sure what i want by telling you this, i guess i'm just venting and maybe looking for some validation on my feelings

i love my mom, but i have a lot of mixed feelings towards her, both of my parents actually. when i was little my mom would hit my sibling and i, the younger ones don't really remember it but us older kids do

the last time my mom hit me i was 12, my mom slapped across my face because i was "being a bitch" all day, i had been pondering if i should tell my parents that i was queer but heard my dad make a homophobic remark about gay men and chose not to, of course that hurt me and i was mad that my dad would say such a thing, so yeah that was a bad day (it was also a week before my birthday)

i know they sound terrible but we've had a lot of good times, my dad is really funny and makes us laugh a lot and my mom gets us a lot of stuff, i think it's to make up for all the bad stuff

they both come from troubled childhoods and were both beat and sexually abused by people who they should've been able to trust, and i feel like the worst person and daughter harboring such negative feelings towards them when i know they've been through worse than me

obviously, they both have plenty of issues, my mom for example has ocd and depression (when i was 14 she told me she wanted to kill herself) and my dad chooses to push down his feelings and pretend he's fine, which results in bursts of angers but it's a quiet, subdued anger and usually just results in a lot of yelling

her ocd was bad when i was little, we had our room and we could do whatever in there but we weren't allowed to leave that room, with the exception of going to the bathroom but we couldn't touch anything that wasn't necessary i.e the sink, so yeah, she was strict and yes, i'm homeschooled, needless to say i've had a very sheltered childhood

they're a mess, and honestly a worse couple, i mean when i was 8 my dad left home for 3 days and mom was a wreck, i was up at night consoling her while she cried and my dad was literally at a strip club spending our money, my dad used to cheat on my mom a lot so y'know not exactly a model couple but at least i know all the red flags

i have a lot more stories about them and could go more in depth but i mostly just wanted to explain how i feel and give context for why i feel this way, sorry this has gone on so long, i guess i had more to say on the topic than i originally thought but they're a lot better now (my moms taking meds now) and the good days outweigh the bad

firstly PLEASE DO NOT APOLOGIZE i'll put tw's in the tags and i'm always open to hear anyone vent ♡ secondly if this isn't very comforting i'm so sorry (i'm not the best at reassuring people)

anyway i'm definitely not qualified to give you any advice in any way but in my opinion you should be allowed to be angry for the things that your parents did to you. i understand that they also had bad lives, but nobody demanded them to have children at a time when they couldn't treat one well.

regardless of how good they are sometimes it is absolutely legitimate of you to be angry toward them. them having gone through "worst things" doesn't mean what they did to you was okay. i'm glad they're getting better but still, i would have the same reaction as you. genuinely i don't know what somebody in your situation is supposed to think beyond having negative feelings about all of it. being homophobic is not okay. slapping your 12 year old kid is not okay. what happened to them wasn't okay either, but that doesn't mean they can continue the cycle of abusing others.

i really really really hope this makes sense and that it gave you a bit of validation. the way i see it you are in NO way in the wrong ♡

[trash-dinosaur]

I've known my parents, specifically my mom's, beliefs were wrong for years now. With almost all the decisions she has made and will make will be twisted with those beliefs. And I'm scrolling on tik tok and these videos about Facebook moms comes across, those one moms who believe colloidal sliver, essential oils, and not having your kids vaccinated helps and cures them of everything. And I've gotta say it's really ... Weird ... to see my mom in all of them, cause all those crazy FB moms will only become more deranged with those beliefs and will push or try to push it not only on their partner but friends, family, and strangers who have the beginnings of talking like that.

My mom personally has gotten to the point in the FB mom crazies that she believes in the Mandela effect so hard that she believes we have switched universes multiple times, and some strange shit about the world fair and Nikola Tesla and how he brought something that we have today and they destroyed it. Oh! And also she supports trump. ... So, you, know, weird shit comes out of her mouth cuz of that.

But my mother used to rant to me constantly from the time I wanna say...5 or 6 about everything she was "learning" about the world and how certain ppl were. They have ramped down significantly since I turned 17 but I can see it on her face when she wants to rant to me like she used to and ramp it up more. She has even gotten my grandma into this and she doesn't have the subtlety my mother has when she wants me to say everything I believe about the world and its politicians.

The more I think about it it's really scary how manipulative my mom is about conversations she can make you talk about anything she wants you to talk about with the right words, but unfortunately for her ik how to not spill my rainbow guts on the concrete when she does her tricks. The only real time she got me was when she tricked me that I could trust her with my queerness, but even then I didn't tell her the real truth. But man is that a huge regret, the only thing it really did was make it so she wasn't as transphobic and homophobic in front of me, but of course the only exception to that is ppl she's talking with lol.

My mom also restricted me from not reading Harry Potter and only Harry Potter when I was a child because of witchcraft but ig it's fine now as I have talked to her about it lol, she didn't seem real thrilled that ik about it but 🤷🏻. Also did you know I'm not allowed to see my cousins baby cuz I'm not vaccinated and I'm so sad cuz of that but I told my mom it was fine. My mom criticized my cousin about her research and her decision to vaccinate her baby because "she hasn't researched enough" and "how bad she feels for the baby" ... Ok sure.

But I'll probably keep my mouth shut about everything til she dies or finally see how insane she is but I'm not hopeful about the second one, so I'll just pretend I have a normal mom when she's not acting insane about everything that is happening in the world. Cause when she's not acting insane she's really cool and badass and I wish she would stay like that.

That ended on a sad note, whoops! I think I've lost my mind the longer I make this and I no longer know the point of why I am but I am going to post this anyway so that maybe someone who is going through the same thing can find some solace in the fact that it's not just their parent who has a case of the crazies.

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas <3

cw/tws for medical stuff, complex family relationships, discussion of death

so, for context, im a regulus black kinnie (itll make sense, give me a sec aha). ive got a difficult relationship with most of my family, but most especially my mother and older sister. my sister is a lot like our family's sirius (except if he still had walburga's narcissism, cruelty and manipulation), and she really doesnt get along with either of our parents. my mother is... a difficult woman, in that she likes to victimise herself in every situation, shes homophobic/transphobic/all the phobics, shes also very narcissistic, and likes to make uncomfortable comments without bothering to be nice about it. all in all, i try not to be around her much. im also supposed to be moving out soon, and planned to minimise contact as much as possible once i do.

to the point: my mother was diagnosed with cancer yesterday. my father (hes kind of a neutral party in the family dynamics, btw) was the one talking to me about it, since she's in hospital at the moment. he said they caught it early enough where a bit of chemo over the next few months should get rid of it and she'll be okay, but 'cancer' is a scary as fuck word. he also then told me that this isnt her first time with it — she had a different type of cancer around 20 years ago.

honestly, i feel like my brain is battling itself about how i should feel. on the one hand, ive been looking forward to not having to be around her now for years, and i hold very little love for her at this point. why should i care? she'll be fine at the end of it anyway. but shes still my mum, yknow? and i feel awful having these thoughts about how badly ive always thought of her and how much ive wanted for so long to get away from her and how it almost feels like this is some sort of sick fucking joke from the universe about how i should be careful what i wish for or something.

this whole situation keeps making me think about regulus in best friends brother(? i think thats the right fic) or p much any modern au where walburga dies so tbh ill probably end up writing a fic about it to cope, but still i just... i guess i needed to tell someone? my father asked me to keep it to myself for now so that it wasnt spread around where we live (its a small area; everyone knows everyone).

and the bit with my sister - as i said, she doesnt get along with our parents. i dont talk to her much anymore either because she seemed to inherit a lot of our mothers worst traits, but im afraid that if we do talk about this then she'll have some awful thing to say about it. she makes some really dark 'jokes' sometimes about suicide and death and such, and im nervous that she'll say something about how she hopes it kills her (again, my sister fucking sick, and has zero empathy), because shes made similar jokes about other stuff in the past. i also dont think she'd understand that im still afraid for our mother even after everything shes done, and i hate the way my sister turns on me and rips the piss out of me when she doesnt like what i do.

it all kind of circles back to how im supposed to feel, i guess. part of me wants to not care and brush it off, whatever, but theres still part of me dying for my mothers love and approval and is terrified of losing her, even with the low possibility.

sorry this got so long, and for how heavy it is. i hope youre doing well cas, and thank you for all you do for us <3

Hi hon!

My god, you ARE a reg kinnie.

Here's the thing- there is not a RIGHT way to feel about those things. You have a complex relationship with your mom, so of course you'll have complex feelings about the situation. You don't need to feel guilty for feeling any certain way, because there's no right or wring way to process this. You're allowed to feel scared and neutral and confused and ambivalent. That's okay!

Your feelings aren't a betrayal to anyone, and you have a right to them. You also have a right to any action you choose to take. Remember to do what feels right for YOU, because YOU are important.

I'm here if you ever need to talk <3

Naming you reg kin anon.

[neptunetried-andfailed]

Venting

so... kind of a rant, don't read this if you don't want to i just like venting like this.

okay so so much in my life has just like swan dived into insanity, like for one, my crush has another person who has a crush on her, no duh she's really damn pretty, but like they know each other much much better and i'm starting to think that they might actually be together, also my crush is best friends with my ex lmao. on the more serious side I most likely have clinical depression, which isn't the greatest, and also Social anxiety so yeah. that's cool.

I am also having the worst f-ing time with time management and like self esteem so i don't even know anymore.

also found out that half of my class is homophobic//transphobic, including like 3 of my closer friends and 3 of my 6 teachers, which was really disappointing to learn.

i'm also getting so sick of constantly being called by my dead name because i haven't came out yet, yes it's kinda my fault because i didn't come out but like.. it's so fucking shitty.

also i know my teachers are aware of the fact that i struggle, like a lot, in their classes but they still decide that it's perfectly fine and never bring it up or like anything like.. okay? I mean, you see that it takes me for fucking ever to talk to you and that i have no friends in class but that's obviously okay because then you get peace and quiet right? and i know that this seems really rude because i really do like some of my teachers but, like i wish they would pay more attention, like my mom told all of my teachers about my mental issues. and if she didn't i wouldn't mind it but she did and they all know and yet they ignore it, OR GET ME INTO TROUBLE FOR IT???

like.. yeah i had a panic attack and distracted my classmates but what else was i supposed to do?? i can't control my panic attacks?? what the hell man.

anyways, if you relate to this i feel sorry cause this is shit.

[jinxxedmisery]

I just wanted to come here and say, I'm sorry I haven't been active lately.

I haven't gotten around to requests in like months.. thankfully only one is in my inbox right now.

I also haven't been doing a lot of art.. things have happened which I will vent about... because my therapy appointment is over a month away and where else can I vent if not tumblr..

Tw mental health stuff, general health stuff, transphobia, relationship drama.

So happy Pride Month... it's nearly over, I know.. but oh well. Like a lot of people are saying, this pride month feels different.. less safe.. I came out as nonbinary to my family last year and started socially transitioning and I have known I was pansexual since 14.... so this stuff kinda hits hard.,

Even being in Canada it's scary seeing all this hate.. it's not as bad here.. but haha.. I happen to live in Alberta.. half the population here is homophobic, godfearing, truckers, cowboys, and farmers.... so I feel a sense of danger every time I'm open about it..

I went to a parade in my town.. we have a yearly event in June.. it's not pride.. but I kinda treat it as a form of pride.. I wore my pronoun pin badge I bought shortly after I came out. One of the town four churches has a Vacation Bible School program and a woman who is a pastor's wife always every year comes up to me and tells me she wants me to volunteer to help them out and kinda forces me to take an info packet....

Yeah.. this year she looked directly at my pin badge and talked to my parents instead basically pretending I didn't exist which was kinda funny and a huge relief.. hope this stops her from bothering me In the future... I did notice a few people look at it as well and like body block their child... which was so stupid.. istg conservatives think we're the boogeyman or some shit. Also kept getting misgendered... some lady who knew me from my childhood says "oh you've grown into such a beautiful young lady" and I straight up felt ill..

Anyway.. during that event my mother had a medical emergency.. she had a mini stroke.. my mom was very confused wasn't aware of her surroundings.. she's normally super resistant to going to the hospital and will fight you.. but she was so confused she got up, got her shoes on and got into the car and walked into the hospital without a fight...later she nearly punched me in the face while we were trying to hold her down so the nurses could get an IV in.. (they don't have daytime security at the local hospital and they don't have restraints) she said she doesn't remember any of it..,

As for my relationship.. I still have a boyfriend.. he's been pretty busy with work though.. his boss moved him to a super inconvenient schedule 3pm to 9pm.. every single day, no days off..

He's also had so much trouble with his car that it's not even funny. It's all been the coolant.. he thinks he's fixed it though so.. I'm hoping that won't be an issue as much.

So it's been hard for us (especially me.., because.. like my last relationship ended shortly after my ex couldn't make it out to see me.., he did finally admit it was excuses so.. I'd be lying if I didn't say I was afraid of that happening again) but we're enduring it.. he's a sweetheart and has been making time to talk to me after work almost every night until he gets too tired to continue..

It helps a lot.. he makes me feel wanted and he is trying his best to make it work so we can see eachother in person 😊he'll be coming out tomorrow morning and staying until 1pm.. we only get 2 hrs together but it's fine.. any amount of time with him that I get is worth it.

I promised him one day if he's able to visit for longer we'll watch Heathers: The Musical and get slushies... mountain dew, cherry or lime flavored ofc (iykyk) he's into that idea thankfully lol..

it's a requirement that everyone in my life watches Heathers at least once... I've seen it so many times I could almost recite the entire thing... 🤭

But that's all for now, when I get the motivation I will write requests!

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #148

Have you ever seen an alligator? Yes, both in the zoo and wild.

When you first wake up do you check your cellular device? Yes, because I'll wanna know what time it is.

How well do you think you’d... work out, in a Christian school? Well this depends; my last college was actually a Christian college, but they didn't push any sort of doctrine onto students; I loved the school, even, they were great people. HOWEVER, if I was pressured into a religion by a school (isn't that illegal, anyway?), I'd get kicked out real fuckin fast.

Do you like Kanye West? Nope, not as a musician and DEFINITELY not as a person.

Do you have any lockets? No, I've always kinda wanted one though, haha.

Do you make kissy faces in pictures? ugh no I'd rather you just shoot me

Do you know your social security number (or equivalent) off by heart? At this moment, I do, but I very often forget the first three numbers.

Do you know a Stephen? I don't.

Green or purple? Purple.

Have you ever watched a meteor shower? No, I wish!!!

Has religion ever come between you and somebody? Yes. It's especially the reason I'm not friends with Mini anymore, because due to her faith, she was trans/homophobic and also extremely pro-life. Her selling pro-life stickers and stuff following the overturning of Roe v. Wade was the final fucking straw, like congrats for benefiting from women having their fucking lives ruined.

Ever have an ultra-sound performed on you? What was it for? Yes, something about my liver as a teenager, I don't remember the details. Everything was fine.

How long has your favorite animal been your favorite animal? Since 2005 when Meerkat Manor came out; I was nine.

When was the last time you spoke to your mom? Lil while ago in the kitchen.

Do you have an Instagram? I have three, one being a personal one and the other two for different types of photography.

If so how many posts do you have? None have a whole lot, but I don't care at all to count.

Can you juggle? Absolutely not, never been able to.

What’s your favorite color combination? Probably black and gold.

Have you ever seen your favorite animal in real life? Only once at the zoo in 5th grade. :( They moved them somewhere else afterwards.

Does your cat purr really loud? (if you have a cat) Haha yes, Girt refers to his louder purring as "lawnmowering" and it's so accurate.

What’s your mom’s name? Donna.

Do you have multiple friends with the same name? Not really "multiple," no. The only case where name confusion happens sometimes is when me or mom and Girt's family say "Ashley," because both myself and Girt have an older sister named Ashley. We kinda just have to use context clues to know which one, but even then there have been instances of not realizing the other Ashley was the subject.

Have you ever gotten up in the middle of the night just to talk to someone? No, but someone has done this for me, and I'm going to be pained for my entire life that I never got to hug and thank her.

Do you watch The Simpsons or any other cartoons? No.

What's your favorite kind of jam/jelly? Grape.

What have you last been diagnosed with? Hypothyroidism, officially, following some blood tests after being taken off my old thyroid med to get a baseline; it's apparently majorly severe, which explains a WHOLE fuckin lot. I'm on a different (and supposedly more effective) med now and will get more tests later to hopefully see it stabilize.

What was the last restaurant you ate at? Red Robin, for Mother's Day.

Do you believe in psychic ability? Absolutely not and it's infuriating that people are willing to scam generally vulnerable people like that. So-called "mediums" are even worse.

When did you last have pizza delivered? It's been a good while. I've been craving pizza actually, but I'm avoiding even suggesting it as best I can, especially after meeting my nutritionist and having fresh motivation to eat better.

What's your favorite decoration in your place of residence? I'm not sure, we have quite a lot of stuff up, especially in the living room.

Have you ever held a chicken? I know I've held a chick, but never an adult.

Are you hard to please? No.

What’s your least favorite genre of TV show? I hate those shows like Maury or Jerry Springer shit, stuff that puts people's private lives on display for ridicule and likewise purposes.

What’s your least favorite genre of music? Probably country. I'm not into rap either, but at least sometimes the non-vocals are fun or interesting.

What physical traits have you inherited from your father? Idk, nothing that is extremely obvious, at least to me. I'm pretty sure Dad was born dirty blonde though, and I was too, but his hair turned black and mine brown.

How about your mother? Height and general weight, but she's still smaller than me, especially post-chemo. Our skin is also similar, both in paleness and also freckling, at least on my arms. She has it more widespread and obvious than I do.

Which friend of yours has the prettiest, most unique name? I have always thought Alon was a beautiful name. I've never met or known another person with it.

When it comes to nose piercings, do you prefer a ring or stud? Studs.

Does your job have any restrictions on piercings and tattoos? What are they? I'm unemployed, and while I know there's plenty of people who would call it petty, I wouldn't take a job that perpetuated the "tattoos and piercings are unprofessional" shit.

Do you want or have your belly button pierced? It's not and never has been; if I had a certain kind of body, I'd absolutely get it done, but for some reason I'm really weird about me personally getting one at my size, despite the fact I'd cheer seeing another woman my size getting it done. I'm just very uncomfortable drawing attention to my abdomen.

Ever been in a physical fight? How did it go? Nope.

Do you like swimming? Do you have a pool? I like swimming a lot actually, I love being in water and even more I love the sound of it, I like watching light on it... but I don't swim a lot, partially because I hate getting changed out of wet bathing suits (and I actually wear swimming pants too because I don't want to show my legs, and THEY'RE the worst getting off), but also we don't have a pool. Growing up we did, but at this house and the last one, we didn't.

Is anyone you know racist or sexist? How do you feel about it? Oh certainly, especially here in the south; you see racism more, but both are fucking awful and I openly think you're fucking garbage if you hold prejudices like these.

Do you like mint-flavored gum? Yep.

If you house with your parents, do you pay rent to live at home? Why or why not? Do you know if your parents will ever make you pay rent? If so, when? I'm unemployed, so no. Even whenever I do get a job, I'm doubtful Mom would ask me to, but I'm immediately contributing whether she likes it or not.

Ever have sex outside of a relationship? No, that's not for me.

If a taken person pursued you and you were interested, would you do anything with them? No, I'm not going to be someone's second choice.

If you had a hot cousin, would you have sexual relations with them? Jesus Christ, no. Incest is majorly fucking gross to me.

Have your exes gotten better looking since you dated them? I don't know; I haven't seen most since we dated. I've seen a single picture of Jason in more recent times, in which he had full facial hair, but it was a candid photo at an angle so I couldn't really digest how different he really looked.

How often do you expect your SO to talk to you (either through texting, phone calls, etc)? I would be concerned if he didn't message me for an entire day, because we generally talk quite a bit throughout every day. I'd worry something was wrong.

How tall do you stand? Haha I found out the other day at the doctor I'm exactly 5'4.6'', so that's why I hear 5'4'' from some people and 5'5'' from others.

How many people are in your family? I consider my immediate/most base "family" to be my parents, two full-blooded sisters (I just don't see/interact with the halves enough... though I wish I did), my older sister's three children, and Girt, his sister, her son, and Girt's mom. Oh, and I guess Kim too, Dad's wife, but she will NEVER be what my biological mom is to me; I don't even call her "Mom" or anything of the sort, she's just Kim. AND THE PETS!!! Roman, Venus, and Cookie are all absolutely family in my eyes, and even Girt's dog Charlie that I haven't seen THAT many times is family to me.

What color is your keyboard? Black, but the keys light up red.

Do you have a laptop or a desktop? Laptop, it's a lot more convenient imo.

What were you doing at midnight last night? I'm pretty sure Girt left right around that time, but I was nearly asleep so am not totally sure.

What woke you up this morning? At some point my body did naturally, and I just barely dragged myself out of bed to go take my thyroid med (I have to take it at least 30 minutes before eating and my other meds), and then I didn't wake back up until Mom got me up for my psychiatry appointment.

Are you picky about who you give your number to? Oh for sure, I barely have any contacts in my phone.

Are you afraid of roller coasters? Yes, very.

Do you know anyone who suffers from depression? Yes, myself among MANY other people.

[TW: DRUG USE] Have you ever injected a drug? No, not into that whatsoever.

Have you ever fallen asleep on someone? Definitely as a kid, as well as on Jason and Girt.

Of all your exes, which one is your least favorite? Sara.

Do you prefer to be cuddled or kissed? Depends on the mood; I'd always be up for cuddling Girt though, while I don't always want to kiss, but on the other hand there are cases where I don't just want to cuddle, either.

Your most recent ex says they still love you. You say… lol no she doesn't, this isn't a situation I can even picture.

Who was your first boy/girlfriend? Aaron was the first guy with the title, but Jason was definitely my first real significant other.

How did your first kiss happen? We were playfighting on his bed, he pinned me, so I kissed him.

Where did you meet the last person you were in a car with? She gave birth to me.

When was the last time you had a box of chocolates? What kind were they? Valentine's Day, from Girt. They were different flavors and fillings.

Of all your relatives & close friends, whose birthday is closest to yours? My youngest niece's, I think.

Did you have a cake on your last birthday? What kind? No actually, I wanted donuts instead.

Where do you think your best friend(s) is right now? He should be at home, unless he had to go out for something today.

What is your central philosophy in life? To act with love and that love is something worth fighting for, and that is in all forms, not just romantic.

What moral code do you follow and why? Treat others how I'd want them to treat me, and to never, ever hurt/kill someone unless in very literal self-defense.

What is the person you are most dependent on (your dad, the welfare office, your personal maid, your seeing-eye-dog, your mailman)? My mom. I feel like her kid that never truly grew up, and I mean that negatively. She never asked for a child that would always be a parasite on her.

What expletives do you use in surprise or irritation (swears, gasps, yowza, etc)? "Jesus Christ" and "fuck" happen the most I think, but sometimes "shit" or "god(fucking)damn" happen.

What are the five worst things possible to happen to you? Depression and mental illness as a whole + the suicidal ideation that comes with it, a traumatic breakup, way too many hospitalizations that didn't benefit me, my parents' divorce (in terms of how I handled it, it NEEEEEEEDED to happen), and honestly I think the muscle atrophy in my legs.

What is the worst you’ve ever been injured or sick (broken arm, cancer, hang nail)? A wicked stomach virus that had me puking relentlessly, I'm talkin' to where you're barely getting bile out and your abs are in agony.

What object(s) do you like to keep near you? My phone, more than anything else. I tend to like to have a drink of some sort too, I drink (not alcohol, just in general) A LOT.

Which one of your relatives is most likely to embarrass you? My dad.

[rockosmidlife]

Oh man I didn’t even realize that.. I think the particular one I based oro and boro off was Parvati?? I could be wrong tho :p also your boyfriend is VERY correct, even from a screen I know your very protective and motherly :3 anyways yea I don’t know how much it is my place to talk considering I’m not Hindu but from all the shit I’ve seen on the internet I think some people consider being Hindu an aesthetic more than an actual religion… one time my sibling brother things ex told me she needed to buy crystals cuz her chakras were unaligned…. Even tho she was pagan. Nothing wrong with paganism ofc I just don’t really understand picking and choosing what aspects of a religion you want to incorporate and what aspects you don’t. This reminds me about how Britany, when she was still my “mom” had a little Buddha statue in the living room, it just kinda rubbed me the wrong way cuz she was Christian.

And like yea I grew up being Christian and I just have to say I don’t hate the religion itself but I hate the community. And yk what I used to be Christian so I think I have a place to MOTHAFUCKING RANT!!!

So obviously there’s the whole homophobia and transphobia thing. That stupid ass mistranslation has fucking ruined SO MUCH for just about everyone. IT WAS TALKING ABOUT PEDOPHELIA SORRY SOME HOMOPHOBE IN 1846 FUCKED IT UP OR WHATEVER!!!! And guess what?? A bunch of Christians are transphobic because “god made you a boy/girl”

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHIT UUPPPPPP SHUT UP!!!! By that logic it should be illegal to get glasses because well god gave you shit eyesight! But no you don’t see those people harassing glasses wearers it’s ONLY trans people cuz Fox News has been spreading some ABSOLOUTE BULLSHIT. And don’t get me wrong it’s fine to be Christian but the community it has created for itself is toxic AF. Sure there’s some cool people (like my non mold dad, I love him and he’s really cool and supportive and he reads the Bible sometimes) but it’s SO FUCKING HARD to ignore the massive blemish that is the retirement home of people who heard “treat others how you want to be treated” and their hearing aid made them think they heard “harass minors for wearing a pride pin”

And like the power dynamics ohh my god dude. I mean we’ve all heard about the whole pastor pedophile thing but mostly like. Idk this could be my personal experience but my gma would always abuse the Bible to excuse things. One time my gma and my sibling brother thing got into a fight about I forget what but my uncle went on some rant about “your grandma she’s family and bible verse bible verse about being nice” and that pussed me off so badly because. My grandma wasn’t being nice. So WHY dose she get a pass but nobody else does?? Is it cuz she’s older?? I sure hope not cuz that’s STUPID!!!!!!!!

Uhhggg sorry about the word salad rant. That’s not even half of it but I think I get my point across pretty good. I stopped being Christian years ago because A) it had a toxic ass community B) I personally had some things I didn’t agree with C) I don’t enjoy being told from the womb to believe in a certain god yknow??

I propose a family anthem

@voparwave69

[roboticchibitan]

I remember when same sex marriage was legized in my state (3 years before obergefel vs Hodges which legalized it nationwide). It won by a very narrow margin.

People who had taken care of me when I was young, people who were like second parents to me, (along with half the other people I knew) were saying it was the end times because I could now get married. And I couldn't help but wonder... would those people have protected me, cared for me, let me play with their children, if they had known I would grow up to be queer?

I came out in 2011. I was lucky. My parents were accepting. My mom was clearly uncomfortable at first but she made it clear she loved me no matter what.

Except.

My dad didn't care if I was queer and assured me that didn't mean there was anything wrong with me (in a speech I didn't need to hear but I think he needed to say). But he still said "that's gay" and "that's faggy" anytime my little brother showed vulnerability.

And I was a lucky one. My father used homophobic slurs around me regularly. He turned the word gay into a slur with his homophobic mouth. And I was a lucky one.

When I came out publicly, my grandmother stopped speaking to me for a while. I'm lucky that she changed her mind. I'm lucky that my grandparents let me bring my girlfriend with me when I went to visit them in October. October of 2022 and I still consider myself lucky that my grandparents let my queer partner into their house. My other grandma likewise visited with us, and was polite and friendly, but she still refused to call my gf anything other than "your friend." Still lucky. Incredibly lucky.

People don't understand just how bad things were as much as ten years ago. When I came out at school, I was lucky. No one bullied me. No one shoved me into lockers or called me slurs. They all just stopped talking to me. I became invisible. I went to a small school. I was the only person who was out. Exactly one person talked to me the rest of the year. And I was a lucky one.

When I was in middle and highschool, the go to insult was "that's gay." I heard it constantly. Every day. Sometimes people said it to me to insult me, long before I even knew I was queer.

I was lucky because the worst that happened to me was social isolation and people using slurs around me or turning my identity into a slur. No one called ME faggy. No one beat me up behind the school bleachers. I was incredibly lucky.

I have experienced the word "gay" used as a slur far more than I ever heard the word "queer" used as a slur. Young "queer is a slur and only a slur" people need to know the world you live in is not the world the rest of us live in. Why is "queer" a slur but "gay" isn't? My homophobic father thought the word "gay" conveyed just as much offense and disgust as the word "faggot." So why is queer the horrible word that can never be reclaimed but people say "that's gay" as a compliment now? The loneliest I have ever felt was in a room full of teenagers who thought my identity was the height of insults. So why is gay fine but queer isn't?

I am a fat butch queer and I do not hide that. My shoes have a pride flag on them. I have a masculine haircut and wear men's clothes. I look queer.

And I am afraid. I dress like this anyway, because I want other queer folks to know I am a safe person. I dress how I do partially because I like it but also partially so any queer person in the room, no matter now closeted, can see me and feel a little bit safer. Because I will protect other queer people with my life if need be.

Because I am openly and visibly queer and live in a world where being queer can get you killed. Because it can. Gay bashings still happen. The alt right are getting bolder in their violence, and that includes homophobic/transphobic violence. There are organizations in the US that are actively pushing to make homosexuality punishable by death in Africa. They know they could never accomplish that here. But they would if they could. People want us dead.

Young people need to understand that. And they need to understand that the people who did the most work to free us from criminalization were queer. They identified as queer. And they weren't the perfect law abiding queers toeing the line of what's acceptible. Because being queer itself was illegal. You could end up on the sex offender registry for being gay. In fact, there are queer people who are STILL registered as sex offenders just because they were queer in 2001. Pride wasn't a permitted parade with wells Fargo floats. It was angry queers illegally marching down the streets, screaming "We're here. We're queer. Get used to it."

Being openly queer is a radical act. It is still a radical act.

I did not live through Windsor vs the united states, the referendum 74 debate, my father punishing my brother for being human with homophobic slurs, and the pearl clutching fearmongering about "the gay agenda" (that was a go to phrase for 2012 homophobes) for some LGBT kid to come at me with TERF bullshit they got off tiktok about how my identity is a slur and I'm a horrible person for using it.

I was a lucky one and I'm still saying "no, absolutely not" to this bullshit.

Queer is more inclusive. Queer accounts for any possible fluidity because people change. Identities change. Queer is there for people who know they're Something Different but are not sure of the details yet. Queer is intentionally vague. When you're young you want everyone to know exactly who you are but as you get older you realize actually my identity is none of your business. In fact, sometimes when you tell someone your identity, you're handing them a bludgeon for them to hurt you with.

If you have trans classmates, you do not understand the world the rest of us grew up in. Trans people were not a public topic. They were not even acknowledged as existing by most people. I didn't know what being trans was until I was like 17. I'm nonbinary now and consider myself trans 10 years later.

And I didn't even have it that bad. But you know what? It still sucked and it was still hard and I can't imagine what it was like to grow up a decade before I did. I had it easy compared to most people.

If you can jokingly say "that's gay" when someone expresses queer love, then you can fucking handle people using the word queer as their identity.

The infighting and policing each other has to stop. You're oppressing queer people with this bullshit. It does not matter what words queer people use to describe themselves when there are people actively killing us. What are you doing? For fucks sake look at the bigger picture. Direct all that rage at our oppressors and the people who mean us harm. Queer people and he/him lesbians and bi lesbians and people who use neo pronouns and whoever else is the discourse of the day do not deserve this kind of treatment. Punch a homophobe and maybe you'll feel better.