#Anyway if my mom is fine with it (she is also homophobic but i think she'll go with it) then im getting rainbow shoelaces

[aveline-shepard]

ALSO I need you all to know that my aunt heard me affectionately talking about someone and later when my cousin drove her home, was like "I didn't know she was gay!" And, like, kudos to my aunt who was 100% cool with that (though surprised) and did not make a big deal about it in the moment, but I later had to inform her that my bestie and I are unfortunately not a couple because she is tragically heterosexual. I mean, with that said though, she is right and I AM gay.

[three-bunnies-in-a-trenchcoat]

Fighting the hardest battle of my life (trying to buy rainbow shoelaces)

[roboticchibitan]

I remember when same sex marriage was legized in my state (3 years before obergefel vs Hodges which legalized it nationwide). It won by a very narrow margin.

People who had taken care of me when I was young, people who were like second parents to me, (along with half the other people I knew) were saying it was the end times because I could now get married. And I couldn't help but wonder... would those people have protected me, cared for me, let me play with their children, if they had known I would grow up to be queer?

I came out in 2011. I was lucky. My parents were accepting. My mom was clearly uncomfortable at first but she made it clear she loved me no matter what.

Except.

My dad didn't care if I was queer and assured me that didn't mean there was anything wrong with me (in a speech I didn't need to hear but I think he needed to say). But he still said "that's gay" and "that's faggy" anytime my little brother showed vulnerability.

And I was a lucky one. My father used homophobic slurs around me regularly. He turned the word gay into a slur with his homophobic mouth. And I was a lucky one.

When I came out publicly, my grandmother stopped speaking to me for a while. I'm lucky that she changed her mind. I'm lucky that my grandparents let me bring my girlfriend with me when I went to visit them in October. October of 2022 and I still consider myself lucky that my grandparents let my queer partner into their house. My other grandma likewise visited with us, and was polite and friendly, but she still refused to call my gf anything other than "your friend." Still lucky. Incredibly lucky.

People don't understand just how bad things were as much as ten years ago. When I came out at school, I was lucky. No one bullied me. No one shoved me into lockers or called me slurs. They all just stopped talking to me. I became invisible. I went to a small school. I was the only person who was out. Exactly one person talked to me the rest of the year. And I was a lucky one.

When I was in middle and highschool, the go to insult was "that's gay." I heard it constantly. Every day. Sometimes people said it to me to insult me, long before I even knew I was queer.

I was lucky because the worst that happened to me was social isolation and people using slurs around me or turning my identity into a slur. No one called ME faggy. No one beat me up behind the school bleachers. I was incredibly lucky.

I have experienced the word "gay" used as a slur far more than I ever heard the word "queer" used as a slur. Young "queer is a slur and only a slur" people need to know the world you live in is not the world the rest of us live in. Why is "queer" a slur but "gay" isn't? My homophobic father thought the word "gay" conveyed just as much offense and disgust as the word "faggot." So why is queer the horrible word that can never be reclaimed but people say "that's gay" as a compliment now? The loneliest I have ever felt was in a room full of teenagers who thought my identity was the height of insults. So why is gay fine but queer isn't?

I am a fat butch queer and I do not hide that. My shoes have a pride flag on them. I have a masculine haircut and wear men's clothes. I look queer.

And I am afraid. I dress like this anyway, because I want other queer folks to know I am a safe person. I dress how I do partially because I like it but also partially so any queer person in the room, no matter now closeted, can see me and feel a little bit safer. Because I will protect other queer people with my life if need be.

Because I am openly and visibly queer and live in a world where being queer can get you killed. Because it can. Gay bashings still happen. The alt right are getting bolder in their violence, and that includes homophobic/transphobic violence. There are organizations in the US that are actively pushing to make homosexuality punishable by death in Africa. They know they could never accomplish that here. But they would if they could. People want us dead.

Young people need to understand that. And they need to understand that the people who did the most work to free us from criminalization were queer. They identified as queer. And they weren't the perfect law abiding queers toeing the line of what's acceptible. Because being queer itself was illegal. You could end up on the sex offender registry for being gay. In fact, there are queer people who are STILL registered as sex offenders just because they were queer in 2001. Pride wasn't a permitted parade with wells Fargo floats. It was angry queers illegally marching down the streets, screaming "We're here. We're queer. Get used to it."

Being openly queer is a radical act. It is still a radical act.

I did not live through Windsor vs the united states, the referendum 74 debate, my father punishing my brother for being human with homophobic slurs, and the pearl clutching fearmongering about "the gay agenda" (that was a go to phrase for 2012 homophobes) for some LGBT kid to come at me with TERF bullshit they got off tiktok about how my identity is a slur and I'm a horrible person for using it.

I was a lucky one and I'm still saying "no, absolutely not" to this bullshit.

Queer is more inclusive. Queer accounts for any possible fluidity because people change. Identities change. Queer is there for people who know they're Something Different but are not sure of the details yet. Queer is intentionally vague. When you're young you want everyone to know exactly who you are but as you get older you realize actually my identity is none of your business. In fact, sometimes when you tell someone your identity, you're handing them a bludgeon for them to hurt you with.

If you have trans classmates, you do not understand the world the rest of us grew up in. Trans people were not a public topic. They were not even acknowledged as existing by most people. I didn't know what being trans was until I was like 17. I'm nonbinary now and consider myself trans 10 years later.

And I didn't even have it that bad. But you know what? It still sucked and it was still hard and I can't imagine what it was like to grow up a decade before I did. I had it easy compared to most people.

If you can jokingly say "that's gay" when someone expresses queer love, then you can fucking handle people using the word queer as their identity.

The infighting and policing each other has to stop. You're oppressing queer people with this bullshit. It does not matter what words queer people use to describe themselves when there are people actively killing us. What are you doing? For fucks sake look at the bigger picture. Direct all that rage at our oppressors and the people who mean us harm. Queer people and he/him lesbians and bi lesbians and people who use neo pronouns and whoever else is the discourse of the day do not deserve this kind of treatment. Punch a homophobe and maybe you'll feel better.

[kestreljaylover]

My Top 10 Favorite Warrior Cats.

Cinderpelt was the main source of entertainment and enthusiasm in book 2, and 3 and I love that! She would have made it higher is the authors (don't remember the name, and too lazy to look it up) didn't kill her off so soon. Twilight was so annoying, the entire book was terrible, and I was so sad when she died. And her disability was very terribly written. She broke her leg by a car, and she can't be a warrior anymore. I would discuss about it all day long, but I need to move on to #9.

I love our little fruit loop! I mainly love Tallstar's character because of his Super Edition. Tallstar's Revenge is my favorite Euper Edition of all of warrior cats. The characters in the book got stuff done for once. (I don't remember all of the super editions, it has been a long time since I read them). And his little relationship with Jake is super cute! I met someone at a library and she doesn't like Tallstar x Jake. She was a homophobic, and I hate homophobes. She just make me angry, so I never talked to her again. Anyway, I just thought the bowtie idea was cute, and I decided to put that in.

I really love frostpaw because I can relate to her issues, but I think she was like a reboot of Shadowsight. Which Shadowsight was fine, no problem with him. I think frostpaw is just a cute name in general. I have never drawn her before, so i had to some up with grays on the spot. Anyway the next one!

Now we got some of the best kitties in my eyes! Ravenpaw was my favorite characters in the books before someone else came along that will be in #1. But he was basically the start of the series besides Firestar. Think about it, he tells him what happened with the Tigerstar situation. Firestar would have never known if Ravenpaw didn't spill the truth. And I think him moving to the farm was probably the best thing that has happened to him. Barley is not my favorite, it is just that I wanted to draw them. Next one!

Honestly Lightleap is probably the best character in arc 8 because she is so entertaining and snarky. The best type of character. And she caused a lot of drama which I love. It sucks that she has not been there much in book 3 and 4 of A Starless Clan.

She was supposed to be #4, but I forgot I didn't do 5, so instead of thinking more, I just put her there. Briarlight is the only good cat in her family. Mille is very mental, Blossomfall is very bad, and is very.... dramatic? I don't know how to describe it. Graystripe who i don't know what is going on in his head, and Bumblestripe who obsessed with a girl who doesn't want him. Briarlight is the sweetest cat and her death in the fourth or fifth book in AVOS was very sad. I love her friendship with her best friend, Jayfeather. (Yes, best friend! Jayfeather is gay in my head! I don't care if he loved Half Moon). Briarlight is just great! Love her!

Don't really have a reason to put her up here. Maybe I am just obsessed with the name i gave her. I was gonna switch her and Briarlight out, but oh well. I mainly like first arc Bluestar not her super edition (I mean, who does like her super edition)? I just like calling her Queen of the double wide.

Here's Dovewing! My baby! I am happy to put her here on this list! I really don't understand why some people hate Dovewing. She is a great protagonist, and a good mom as well. And also I feel bad for her because she was forced to be with him (Bumblestripe) for a while because of peer pressure. But I am glad she made to choice to get out of the pain.

AAAHHH! SQUIRRELSTAR!!! SHE'S HERE! I have been waiting for 4 years for this. She is basically just like me. (Except the shortness! I am not short). I do what is right, but I don't need approval from anyone. Honestly her husband is a dickhead, so I am glad he stepped down. I wished he would have died though.

JAYFEATHER! HE IS MY FAVORITE KITTY EVER! Does anyone need to explain why he is some people's favorite? Well I do. I can relate to him because everyone is an idiot! The books make them really dumb sometimes, and points out Jay's blindness. And guess who points this out? Jayfeather! He is my favorite for that reason. He is grumpy, but has a valid reason for it. And I can't get myself started on his boyfriend. He is not that interesting, but seeing fanart of Jayfeather and Kestrelflight just makes a smile on my face. (Dusklight for example, go follow them! One of the remaining kestreljay fans, and their work is flawless)! Honestly the sunglasses idea was random. I love a video that someone posted on Christmas day, https://youtu.be/ijd4YaXCjIQ?si=QY8NmE_tV46Yk_8x anyway, that is it. I am tired. :(

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas <3

cw/tws for medical stuff, complex family relationships, discussion of death

so, for context, im a regulus black kinnie (itll make sense, give me a sec aha). ive got a difficult relationship with most of my family, but most especially my mother and older sister. my sister is a lot like our family's sirius (except if he still had walburga's narcissism, cruelty and manipulation), and she really doesnt get along with either of our parents. my mother is... a difficult woman, in that she likes to victimise herself in every situation, shes homophobic/transphobic/all the phobics, shes also very narcissistic, and likes to make uncomfortable comments without bothering to be nice about it. all in all, i try not to be around her much. im also supposed to be moving out soon, and planned to minimise contact as much as possible once i do.

to the point: my mother was diagnosed with cancer yesterday. my father (hes kind of a neutral party in the family dynamics, btw) was the one talking to me about it, since she's in hospital at the moment. he said they caught it early enough where a bit of chemo over the next few months should get rid of it and she'll be okay, but 'cancer' is a scary as fuck word. he also then told me that this isnt her first time with it — she had a different type of cancer around 20 years ago.

honestly, i feel like my brain is battling itself about how i should feel. on the one hand, ive been looking forward to not having to be around her now for years, and i hold very little love for her at this point. why should i care? she'll be fine at the end of it anyway. but shes still my mum, yknow? and i feel awful having these thoughts about how badly ive always thought of her and how much ive wanted for so long to get away from her and how it almost feels like this is some sort of sick fucking joke from the universe about how i should be careful what i wish for or something.

this whole situation keeps making me think about regulus in best friends brother(? i think thats the right fic) or p much any modern au where walburga dies so tbh ill probably end up writing a fic about it to cope, but still i just... i guess i needed to tell someone? my father asked me to keep it to myself for now so that it wasnt spread around where we live (its a small area; everyone knows everyone).

and the bit with my sister - as i said, she doesnt get along with our parents. i dont talk to her much anymore either because she seemed to inherit a lot of our mothers worst traits, but im afraid that if we do talk about this then she'll have some awful thing to say about it. she makes some really dark 'jokes' sometimes about suicide and death and such, and im nervous that she'll say something about how she hopes it kills her (again, my sister fucking sick, and has zero empathy), because shes made similar jokes about other stuff in the past. i also dont think she'd understand that im still afraid for our mother even after everything shes done, and i hate the way my sister turns on me and rips the piss out of me when she doesnt like what i do.

it all kind of circles back to how im supposed to feel, i guess. part of me wants to not care and brush it off, whatever, but theres still part of me dying for my mothers love and approval and is terrified of losing her, even with the low possibility.

sorry this got so long, and for how heavy it is. i hope youre doing well cas, and thank you for all you do for us <3

Hi hon!

My god, you ARE a reg kinnie.

Here's the thing- there is not a RIGHT way to feel about those things. You have a complex relationship with your mom, so of course you'll have complex feelings about the situation. You don't need to feel guilty for feeling any certain way, because there's no right or wring way to process this. You're allowed to feel scared and neutral and confused and ambivalent. That's okay!

Your feelings aren't a betrayal to anyone, and you have a right to them. You also have a right to any action you choose to take. Remember to do what feels right for YOU, because YOU are important.

I'm here if you ever need to talk <3

Naming you reg kin anon.

[anotherrosesthatfell]

╰┈➤Love sick

Don't ask your family about love 💀

Also, Alphonse have reasons why he gave the worst advises. First, because he is homophobic. Second, he just want to see drama

"Brother I need help." Angst said nervously as he fiddle with his fingers.

This is not a scene you can see everyday so Crescent is quite surprised.

"Of course but let me finish my prayer first. You can pray too if—"

"I need help about love-"

Crescent eyes sparks as he immediately left his prayers.

"of course brother! I have so many advices to tell you!"

Angst could tell this is going to be a long speech...

*a few hours later*

It's indeed a long speech.

"So what I need to do is to love him back, ask him on a date then kiss him?" Angst asked. "Is that what people with emotions should do?"

"Yeah duh, I read many novels about it. The heroine confessed to emotionless Duke and they both got the romantic arc yet heroine ran away because the Duke suddenly ignore her. The duke went crazy and obsessed with heroine so he kidnapped her and emotionally plus physically abuse her HAHAHAHA—" crescent realized he rambled nonsense. "I apologizes for my vulgar words, brother."

"Interesting...? So is that how love should be?" asked Angst.

"I mean yeah I guess.. Like mother and father... ... But please be nothing like father. Just inherited his possessive and obsessive behavior, that's so romantic in novel!" Said Crescent.

"Really...?" Angst still questioning whether it's a good idea to asked his twin brother. "How to love him back then..?"

"Oh, that's easy. Just think 24/7 hours about him." claimed Crescent. "I always thought about the God Sol and pray for him every hours."

"Right... You totally did not think of that model boy." Angst rolled his eyes and scoffed.

"If you're going to accuse me for adultery then no, I did not commit such sins. I just have this unfortunate feelings and I am mature enough to pray so my sins will be forgiven." Crescent is quick to defend himself.

"Yeah, yeah whatever. Believe whatever you want to believe." Angst got up from his seat. "Thanks for the advice, brother..."

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

"Mom. This may sounds weird but could you give me some advice about love?"

Killer coughs after hearing her son request.

"Huh???" She did not expect for Angst asked such question. "Uhm... Angst do you like someone?"

"uh... I'm not sure but he confessed to me and said he likes me." Said Angst.

"Oh... Is it your friend Gradient...?" Asked Killer.

"yeah..."

Killer smiles at her son and pat his head. "You two make a good couple, Gradient truly like you. So you must like him back. He'll be sad if a gentleman like you reject him." Said Killer.

"Hmm... Alright, I see..."

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

"Father, I need advice about love—"

Alphonse choked on his coffee.

"What the fuck???" Alphonse is in disbelief.

"Just give me some words about love." He frown. "you lived for centuries, you must fell in love with many women." accused Angst.

"I did not." Alphonse sighed and say, "Take a seat son, I just know some relationship advice to give you."

"Alright, I'm fine with it." Angst then took a seat as he wait patiently for his father words.

"I take that Gradient confessed to you...?" Alphonse only have a disappointment expression now.

"Why mom and you knew it right away?"

"That boy can't hide his feelings. I'm surprised you are oblivious despite how many times he show he is in love with you." Said Alphonse. "But anyway... Talking about this, you have to keep that boy on leash."

"Why?"

"You know the reason very well. You and I are not so different, we both became 'lovesick' to our loved one." Alphonse grin. "I mean look at Crescent... He's all over that disgusting boy." Alphonse rolled his eyes.

"Oh..." Angst nodded.

"Don't be so down, Angst. Look at the bright side, you will have Gradient by your side forever and he won't have to leave you. Violence is necessary if he decide to disobey." Said Alphonse.

"I'm not like you...-"

"I haven't finish my talk yet." Alphonse cut him off. "You don't have to hurt him physically, instead you should do it mentally. Maybe hurt yourself if he decide to leave or manipulated him thinking you're the victim." Alphonse then pour a glass of wine for Angst. "Drugging him is also necessary... Just in case if he decide to fight against you."

"..." Angst nodded as he listened to the explanation.

Alphonse smile proudly and hand the wine over Angst.

"Cheer up son, at least the kingdom will have two rulers to take over." Said Alphonse.

"Right..." Angst took the glass of wine and drank it. "Thanks for the talk, it's quite useful."

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

Love and obsession.

Angst can't tell the difference between them. He likes Gradient right?

Yes, Gradient confessed to him. He made Angst to have this emotions, so he must take the responsibility.

But what kind of emotions...?

Desperation and obsession. It's not a pure love, no...

Angst seem to mistaken the emotions for love. That's why he desperately need Gradient. So he can feel secure.

Gradient is the only one who support and nice to him right? No one else right?

"Oh, Angst you're here!" Gradient walk towards Angst and greeted him.

"ah... Gradient." Angst grin as he hold Gradient chin. "The answer is yes, I love you too."

And that's when the chase between predator and prey started...

[olderthannetfic]

Hi OTNF, I was wondering if you or any of your followers would have any advice for me, a young queer person.

So, I’ve known I was a lesbian for a very long time, and I’m 17 now, a senior in high school, completely out to my friends, coworkers, peers, teachers, sibling, etc.. I’m also out to my mom, although she still sometimes asks me “but are you *sure*?”

The only person I am not out to is my dad. He is not at all homophobic, and is very liberal (typical for my area), but he has some weird viewpoints, including the whole “Don’t date until you’re married” schtick. He doesn’t express it in the usual way, he doesn’t seem to care about abstinence or pre-wedlock kids or whatever, he just tells me and my older brother that we should never ever date and never ever get married because then our lives would be negatively effected in some nebulous way. I’m not sure why he does this, since him and my mom have a very good relationship, but I’ve realized that getting this rhetoric thrown at us from a young age has given my brother and I complexes. Neither of us have ever told our parents we were dating someone (and he is in his late twenties with a long-term partner!), people we took to dances were just “friends.”

I thought this would be very easy for me to get through since my brother seems to manage it alright, and I didn’t expect to start really dating until college (most of my high school years were a tumult of me realizing I was not in fact bi and penises are not for me, thank you), but exactly a month ago I started dating the most amazing girl. She’s out to her family, and has told them we’re dating, and I didn’t realize how cool that feels. They’re so wonderful to me, and I feel like I’m doing her a disservice because I have told my parents jack shit about us. We are going to prom together and I want to have the experience of our families getting together to take pictures of us, I want her to be able to be at a family dinner at my house like I have been at hers.

I think that what I’m scared of is the fact that I have no idea what my dad will do. My mom begged and begged for me to let her tell him I was gay but I said no. I think he knows, anyway, but he never talks about it. Like I said, he’s not homophobic, let alone abusive in any way. I just don’t know what he’ll do if he finds out I’m dating someone. I haven’t really had to deal with many dramatic coming-out scenes because most of mine were quite casual, or unplanned (with my mom.)

I guess what I’m wondering is if anyone has dealt with a similar situation, and if it is better to drop the bomb or… something else.

P.S. good luck with the pregnancy adventures :)

--

Oh boy. Well, he sounds better than many parents, so it will probably eventually be fine. Whether you'll be having chill family dinners by prom is another story.

I'm unclear exactly what his deal is, so I don't have a guess as to how to approach him about this.

[celiaelise]

So apparently my mom has known I was gay for, like, a while now? (I didn't actually ask how long.) And just never mentioned bc "it's not her business". 🤦🏻‍♀️ (This is the only matter of mine she's EVER minded her business about.) (for general context, she is 65)

I didn't think she was in complete ignorance, and i wasn't, like, pretending to be straight, but it was still quite a shock the other day when she asked if "a member of the lgbtq+ community" was an appropriate way to refer to me.

Today I brought it up again, and I was like, "you caught me off guard; I didn't know you knew." And she was like, "well, isn't that why you like all that rainbow stuff? And why you don't wear makeup or jewelry? Do you think I'm stupid? You needed intimacy coaching to kiss a boy!"

And while all those things are a BIT more complicated than that, she's not entirely wrong, either 😅

But yeah, I'm out to my mom, now! 🤷🏻‍♀️ I guess it's kind of a relief. I never thought she was generally homophobic, (she's spoken positively about other gay people before) but I feared that it might be different when it came to me, given all the other expectations she imposes. But I guess she's fine with it! She seems to want minimal knowledge of me or my brother's romantic lives in general. (We have none, but still.)

Oh!!! Also she called me out for crying when my coteacher left the daycare I used to work at?! I didn't even think I was being gay about that! Just overworked/burnt out/emotionally overwhelmed! But maybe I was, who knows. But taking care of babies all day with someone is an intimate kind of relationship! Anyway 🙄

Now my whole immediate family knows! (Or, I guess, now I know they know.) This would be a bigger deal if I had ever dated anyone in my life, or had any immediate plans to. But I suppose it's still nice! Happy Pride everyone! 🏳️‍🌈

[meet-the-coffee]

BEFORE YOU INTERACT WITH ME OR MY POSTS, READ THIS!!

But I understand if you just reblogged from a reblog and don't really see this first lmao

First of all, I just wanna say, this is an 18+ blog.

Preferably even 20+.

Anyway, Read below please :]

Short info:

Name: Coffee / Bell

Age: 25

Pronouns: She/Him, or literally any lmao

LGBTQ+? Yes, bisexual as fuck. Or... i guess pan.... wait... idk, i'm confused. Also obviously bigender!!

Nationality: Swedish

Belief: none, or... kind of Witchcraft?? But not really active.

Other: Medicated for ADHD. Also autistic.

DO NOT INTERACT [DNI] if any of these relates to you:

You're below 18.

Pro-Shipper (problematic and fucked up ships)

Age Regression Kink

DDLG, DDLB, MDLG, MDLB

Transphobic

Homophobic

Racist

Sexist

Ableist (yes, autism moms, you too.)

Zoophilia / Pedophilia / any of that fucked up shit

You think mlm or wlw is "sexy"/hot. (Unless you are part of such a relationship lmao. This is because sexualization of people is fucked up especially if you're fetishizing them.)

You think Cringe Culture is unironically alive (fuck that. Autism wins !!!)

Enforcer of ANY belief. Yes, even the one I'm somewhat part of. And yes, even the belief that there is no god and/or you should abandon your religion.

If any of these makes you think "hey, I'm that!!" Then... well, some of them are a little more fine than others for you to interact with me... but some of them are strict no. Like the anti-lgbtq+ shit, or the fetish stuff. Nah dude.

Minors, PLEASE stay out. You can come back when you're 18 :) you'll understand when you're my age 🫶

[ashitshowforalot]

hi i’m going to rant about my parents/ family bc i came out of my therapy session and i am angry, you do not need to read this in anyway bc there are some heavier topics like abuse and generational trama

my parents are fucking narcissists but are also deeply traumatized

i’m puerto rican on both sides but my moms side is why i think of myself as a mixed kid

my dads just puerto rican and spaniard ( that’s probably only bc of colonization but family did come over here from puerto rico (probably after it was declared a us territory bc i don’t think we have any documentation on it))

my mom on the other hand is also puerto rican (and french but same deal bc colonization) but this woman is fucking south east asian (Bangladesh/Pakistan) and decides that just bc she’s pale she can go about life pretending to be a white woman. it fucking infuriates me because assimilation has convinced her that all the shit that happened to her won’t matter if she pretends that she’s white. it kills me bc i also came out fucking pale and for years i had my identity invalidated and belittled ( i was quite literally called the white kid of my family) bc my parents cut off all their ties to their culture. yeah i’m pale but unfortunately i’m too fucking mixed to fit in with the white kids and bc i was never actually taught spanish or was able to fully embrace my own culture i’m too fucking white for the spanish kids. it’s just like i’m never gonna fit in anywhere bc generational trama and poverty has convinced this woman that pretending like she is white and that her kids are white she’ll be fine. i got fucking abused by an alcoholic/drug addict in her pursuit of the white american dream, and it fucks me over every time i have to think about it. it kills me that i am somehow a step ahead of where my mother was in her life because i fucking graduated highschool and didn’t drop out and get my GED. it makes me so angry that i’ve been fucked over since before i was born, but there is actively no one at fault bc so has she.

and don’t even get me started on my dad bc he’s exactly the fucking same, he has fucking mixed kids and pretends to be a fucking white guy bc he’s pale and he can. and he plays into all of the same toxic stereotypes my mother does for the white american dream. god he took it to the next fucking level by getting with a woman (my parents are divorced have been since before i started kindergarten) who plays into all of the karen stereotypes ( this woman has actively displayed racist, homophobic, and transphobic behavior, and probably more that i can’t think of right now) and wonders why i don’t want to see him all the time. god he went on a whole rant one time on why kids need to have both parents in their life (referring to a mother and a father), he said that to me his openly gay and at the time i was in the closet about my gender identity, but it’s like, you and your wife have made it perfectly clear you do not respect my identity in any way so why would i want to talk to you. and like i understand this man grew up without his dad bc he died but i think actively emotionally (and later on physically) abandoning your children bc you don’t know how to be a father figure DOES NOT SCORE YOU POINTS IN THE FATHER DEPARTMENT.

god i’m just so fucking angry of being used by my family bc i’m younger than them. IVE BECOME A PARENT TO MY SISTERS CHILD BECAUSE SHE IS EXACTLY A REFLECTION OF MY MOM. i am so tired of it all

[randomidiocyncrazies]

finally sat down to watch He and I are Both Grooms, a 50 minute-film about LGBTQ issues set in Japan (specifically, about same-sex marriage and homophobia).

I think it was very earnest, and it feels like the people behind it have good intentions. I do appreciate the short film touching on the difficulties of coming out in a conservative society (and to homophobic parents), and the more emotional aspects were evocative even with a somewhat farcical premise—MC is getting married to his boyfriend BUT fails to tell literally anyone in his wedding party about the fact that he’s marrying a guy, and verything that can go wrong does go wrong (homophobic parents, jealous exes, miscommunication etc), but in the end it all turns out okay, etc etc.

But...

Even knowing the premise going in, there were still parts where I couldn’t suspend my disbelief, which i know is completely subjective. Coupled with a few key misses (again, entirely subjective), I feel like it’d be a much stronger narrative if it had been feature-length rather than just 50 minutes.

With the limited run-time, I thought they did a good job with establishing the couple’s relationship—we see how they meet, and we know their general dynamic and the important moments in their courtship. while a little more would be nice (like, in a feature film there’s probably going to be a flashback of them planning the wedding etc), the stuff we have paints a pretty clear picture. the point of the film isn’t really about their relationship anyway—it’s about MC’s struggles with coming out to friends and family in a conservative environment, and I’d argue that MC’s relationship with his homophobic dad takes center stage (...not that they actually have that many scenes together, but the whole thing is sparked off by MC being scared to come out to his parents, then having to prove to his dad that people will be happy for a gay couple like them, while the dad is afraid of what he doesn’t understand and thinks society will judge his kid etc etc.)

As the plot hinges on the concept of “closeted man having a gay wedding but literally nobody in his wedding party knows he’s gay until the ceremony”, i can accept that the MC—a meek people-pleaser—lost his nerve trying to clear up the issue when his homophobic parents assumed he was marrying a woman. I can accept that, instead of telling his enthusiastic boyfriend (the LI) about the misunderstanding (thus dampening his spirits), MC chose to tell LI that his parents are fine with them getting married, trapping himself on both fronts. I can accept that MC’s mom was so excited about her darling boy’s upcoming nuptials that she told everyone she knew about it, leading to childhood friends that the MC has fallen out of touch with to ask for invites (and MC is too scared to clear up the misunderstanding, probably in fear of it getting back to his parents).

Likewise, the MC’s profession as an elementary school teacher informs his fear of coming out, even though there was no explicit correlation within the film itself. It’s no secret that bigots love to target LGBTQ people whose job is working with kids—the whole “but think of the children!!!” crap is often deployed to stir up outrage against minorities. I also think MC is written as a closeted man both to create contrast with LI’s openness and supportive family, and to illustrate the pressures of coming out in a conservative society. While the fact that MC has no peers, aside from his boyfriend, who knows about his sexuality feels a little off to me, I concede that it works thematically as a representation of the intense isolation of feeling like you have to keep a core part of yourself secret. (...tho i don’t think this particular character detail is meant to be that Deep™️.)

But like. Why the heck did MC ask his work supervisor/employer, who thought he was marrying a woman, to give the wedding toast??? How did MC think that was going to go? Why not have someone in LI’s wedding party give the toast instead, back when they were still putting this thing together—like, MC knows that nobody on his side would know it’s a same-sex ceremony until they’re in the middle of it, so he could’ve just... made up an excuse and tried to get LI’s family/friends to handle that part too? If he couldn’t get out of it for whatever reason, it’d be nice to see how MC convinced himself that it’s all gonna go well (especially if it’s used to juxtapose how quickly it went off the rails during the actual toast).

Just... idk, the fact that MC had specifically asked for his supervisor at work to give the wedding toast, without giving the guy a heads up about the fact that he’s marrying a guy, which leads to the guy writing a speech that references MC’s “wife”, and this misconception isn’t cleared up until the wedding’s already started is... a little too absurd for me, BECAUSE I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY MC THOUGHT IT’D GO FINE WITHOUT A HITCH. I don’t know why this particular detail bothered me so much, but it does.

(I do really like the moment where the supervisor basically goes “i have no problem with your relationship”—which, y’know, is the bare minimum—after finding out the “bride” is a “groom” at the wedding, and MC’s face frickin’ lights up as he profusely thanks his supervisor for being sooooo kind and understanding (a.k.a doing the bare minimum)... that entire interaction tells us SO MUCH about MC. Like... MC grew up with that kind of dad, so he assumed everyone would have a negative reaction to his homosexuality, which contributes to why he’s so so so afraid to come out to people in his life.

I also thought having the supervisor still display some knee-jerk casual homophobia when he was actually giving the toast, despite saying he has no problem with the MC’s relationship, is interesting and could’ve been explored a bit more—homophobia isn’t just the openly belligerent comments that the MC’s dad makes, but also the casual assumptions and micro-aggressions that other characters make subconsciously.)

there’s also a minor complication when the MC’s female childhood friend confesses that she’s always had a crush on him, which he is completely oblivious to. She kinda accuses him for not telling her about his sexual orientation, and tells him that she’s been waiting for him to ask her out all this time. the MC isn’t demonized for it, but i do gotta say that nobody is entitled to someone else’s coming out, and I thought it’d be nice if the film could make that a bit clearer. (then again, the entire thing that drives the film’s central conflict is that the MC is too scared to come out, to the point where it’s his wedding day and he literally told none of his guests about who he’s actually marrying.) i guess it also bothered me a little that a version of the conflict with her would’ve still happened if MC was straight (she still “wasted” all this time waiting for him, only for him to fall in love with someone else), but because of the limited run-time it feels less like “this is a conflict that would’ve come up regardless of MC’s sexuality” and more like “we need more drama, so let’s have a straight woman crush on the MC and then be upset he didn’t tell her about his sexuality/his relationship”.

I also thought it’d be nice if we had more time to explore the dynamic between MC and his dad, as well as MC and his in-laws. this is mostly a time-constraint problem though, and the parent-child dynamics are already pretty clear between MC and his dad. Since we see MC in a photo with all of LI’s family, though, it’d be nice if we got a clearer picture of his relationship with his in-laws before the wedding—the brief comment MC makes about LI’s dad being a “great father” really makes me want them to have an actual dynamic before the chaos of the wedding happened.

(also, MC’s family seems to... not care about meeting the in-laws, or even their son’s partner, before the wedding??? it’s kinda brushed off as “well you’ve finally shown us a picture of the person (girl) you wanna marry, so do as you like”—which i interpreted as an implication that MC gradually tells his parents less and less about his life after moving out/getting a job bc of the dad’s bigotry—but given how overbearing MC’s parents are, it seems a bit odd that they didn’t try to squeeze more information out of MC?) While there’s dialogue indicating LI (and his family?) had wanted to meet MC’s family beforehand, we don’t get that impression from MC’s family about wanting to meet the in-laws at all.)

speaking of the in-laws, there’s a part where LI asks his supportive dad to “accept MC’s homophobic dad as he is”, and there’s a segment where the supportive dad apologized to the homophobic dad for, essentially, not tolerating the latter’s homophobia. (I think the writers might have intended the scene as a more general “sorry for fighting with you and ruining our sons’ big day”, but the dialogue comes across as LI’s dad apologizing for not tolerating the homophobic bs that MC’s dad spouts at the wedding of his gay son.)

While the rest of the film is definitely pro-LGBTQ and MC’s dad is portrayed as a stubborn old man who is in the wrong (though with his own hangups and interior life that gives sympathy to him), this scene veers too close to “everyone hold hands and sing kumbaya” for my tastes. Bigots are not willing to tolerate the minorities they target, except as “second-class citizens who deserve to suffer” at best (most of the time they go straight to eradication/genocide), so being tolerant of the intolerant does not actually work.

These two dads are also on a completely different level: one of these dudes makes his son afraid to tell him anything of substance about his life, and takes every opportunity to put down his own son and his son’s fiance/the in-laws/the ceremony due to his homophobia (MC’s dad, the instigator of the feud between the two dads), while the other is nothing but supportive of his son and rightfully fought back against the other’s father's petty pot-shots (LI’s dad). IMO the only thing that’s salvageable in this exchange is the sentiment of “whether you personally accept homosexuality or not, you should support your son on his big day.”

The homophobic dad changes his mind in the last scene and give the couple his blessings—it’s a happy ending, but I personally think he changed his mind a bit too abruptly? I think it’d flow better if the emphasis is on him still coming to terms with his son’s homosexuality, but promising to learn more about LGBTQ issues so he could better support his son and new son-in-law; it’d be a more natural continuation of the “whether you personally accept homosexuality or not, you should be there for your son” conversation that happened between the fathers. So while they’ve nailed the broad strokes (i.e. homophobic dad accepts that his son is marrying a guy and gives them his blessing), the speech he gave about “diversity is beautiful” was not self-reflective enough imo. like, at least throw in an apology to the couple and a promise to do better in the future lol

Over all, it was a fun film that did its job within the 50-minute run, with moments of pathos here and there. While I probably won’t rewatch it, I think it’s an entertaining drama that highlights the difficulty of coming out, especially when one had grew up with authoritarian parents/a conservative society. However, the narrative would really benefit from a longer run-time to deal with all the subplots, and the “oh both sides are wrong” treatment in the reconciliation scene between the fathers was a low point in an otherwise pro-LGBTQ/same-sex marriage film.

[arquivista]

im bi. i told my classmates because i think theyre ok with most stuff. i didnt tell my father though. nor anyone in my family. if they knew i think i would be flushed down the toilet. like a clownfish. that means hed fucking murder me. kill me on the spot. my mom would just ban me from her house and thats fine i dont live that. but im scared of dad. grandmas homophobic but i think shell be like fine with it if i tell her. but shes gonna insist i go to church and also probably tell dad, which is why i dont trust her. grandpas a mess and i dont tell him anything. anyways

I'm gonna say it here too. Allow me to be crystal fucking clear.

It is not cowardly to stay in the closet. Full stop. You do not owe anyone any part of yourself you aren't ready to share

If you unable to come out because you fear for your safety or well-being or because you know it will cause you substantial discomfort, that is not a defect in you. It's a failure of the society in which you live and the community surrounding you.

If you just don't want to share that part of yourself, that is valid and I support you

[trash-dinosaur]

I've known my parents, specifically my mom's, beliefs were wrong for years now. With almost all the decisions she has made and will make will be twisted with those beliefs. And I'm scrolling on tik tok and these videos about Facebook moms comes across, those one moms who believe colloidal sliver, essential oils, and not having your kids vaccinated helps and cures them of everything. And I've gotta say it's really ... Weird ... to see my mom in all of them, cause all those crazy FB moms will only become more deranged with those beliefs and will push or try to push it not only on their partner but friends, family, and strangers who have the beginnings of talking like that.

My mom personally has gotten to the point in the FB mom crazies that she believes in the Mandela effect so hard that she believes we have switched universes multiple times, and some strange shit about the world fair and Nikola Tesla and how he brought something that we have today and they destroyed it. Oh! And also she supports trump. ... So, you, know, weird shit comes out of her mouth cuz of that.

But my mother used to rant to me constantly from the time I wanna say...5 or 6 about everything she was "learning" about the world and how certain ppl were. They have ramped down significantly since I turned 17 but I can see it on her face when she wants to rant to me like she used to and ramp it up more. She has even gotten my grandma into this and she doesn't have the subtlety my mother has when she wants me to say everything I believe about the world and its politicians.

The more I think about it it's really scary how manipulative my mom is about conversations she can make you talk about anything she wants you to talk about with the right words, but unfortunately for her ik how to not spill my rainbow guts on the concrete when she does her tricks. The only real time she got me was when she tricked me that I could trust her with my queerness, but even then I didn't tell her the real truth. But man is that a huge regret, the only thing it really did was make it so she wasn't as transphobic and homophobic in front of me, but of course the only exception to that is ppl she's talking with lol.

My mom also restricted me from not reading Harry Potter and only Harry Potter when I was a child because of witchcraft but ig it's fine now as I have talked to her about it lol, she didn't seem real thrilled that ik about it but 🤷🏻. Also did you know I'm not allowed to see my cousins baby cuz I'm not vaccinated and I'm so sad cuz of that but I told my mom it was fine. My mom criticized my cousin about her research and her decision to vaccinate her baby because "she hasn't researched enough" and "how bad she feels for the baby" ... Ok sure.

But I'll probably keep my mouth shut about everything til she dies or finally see how insane she is but I'm not hopeful about the second one, so I'll just pretend I have a normal mom when she's not acting insane about everything that is happening in the world. Cause when she's not acting insane she's really cool and badass and I wish she would stay like that.

That ended on a sad note, whoops! I think I've lost my mind the longer I make this and I no longer know the point of why I am but I am going to post this anyway so that maybe someone who is going through the same thing can find some solace in the fact that it's not just their parent who has a case of the crazies.

[atlastried-andfailed]

Venting

so... kind of a rant, don't read this if you don't want to i just like venting like this.

okay so so much in my life has just like swan dived into insanity, like for one, my crush has another person who has a crush on her, no duh she's really damn pretty, but like they know each other much much better and i'm starting to think that they might actually be together, also my crush is best friends with my ex lmao. on the more serious side I most likely have clinical depression, which isn't the greatest, and also Social anxiety so yeah. that's cool.

I am also having the worst f-ing time with time management and like self esteem so i don't even know anymore.

also found out that half of my class is homophobic//transphobic, including like 3 of my closer friends and 3 of my 6 teachers, which was really disappointing to learn.

i'm also getting so sick of constantly being called by my dead name because i haven't came out yet, yes it's kinda my fault because i didn't come out but like.. it's so fucking shitty.

also i know my teachers are aware of the fact that i struggle, like a lot, in their classes but they still decide that it's perfectly fine and never bring it up or like anything like.. okay? I mean, you see that it takes me for fucking ever to talk to you and that i have no friends in class but that's obviously okay because then you get peace and quiet right? and i know that this seems really rude because i really do like some of my teachers but, like i wish they would pay more attention, like my mom told all of my teachers about my mental issues. and if she didn't i wouldn't mind it but she did and they all know and yet they ignore it, OR GET ME INTO TROUBLE FOR IT???

like.. yeah i had a panic attack and distracted my classmates but what else was i supposed to do?? i can't control my panic attacks?? what the hell man.

anyways, if you relate to this i feel sorry cause this is shit.

[jinxxedmisery]

I just wanted to come here and say, I'm sorry I haven't been active lately.

I haven't gotten around to requests in like months.. thankfully only one is in my inbox right now.

I also haven't been doing a lot of art.. things have happened which I will vent about... because my therapy appointment is over a month away and where else can I vent if not tumblr..

Tw mental health stuff, general health stuff, transphobia, relationship drama.

So happy Pride Month... it's nearly over, I know.. but oh well. Like a lot of people are saying, this pride month feels different.. less safe.. I came out as nonbinary to my family last year and started socially transitioning and I have known I was pansexual since 14.... so this stuff kinda hits hard.,

Even being in Canada it's scary seeing all this hate.. it's not as bad here.. but haha.. I happen to live in Alberta.. half the population here is homophobic, godfearing, truckers, cowboys, and farmers.... so I feel a sense of danger every time I'm open about it..

I went to a parade in my town.. we have a yearly event in June.. it's not pride.. but I kinda treat it as a form of pride.. I wore my pronoun pin badge I bought shortly after I came out. One of the town four churches has a Vacation Bible School program and a woman who is a pastor's wife always every year comes up to me and tells me she wants me to volunteer to help them out and kinda forces me to take an info packet....

Yeah.. this year she looked directly at my pin badge and talked to my parents instead basically pretending I didn't exist which was kinda funny and a huge relief.. hope this stops her from bothering me In the future... I did notice a few people look at it as well and like body block their child... which was so stupid.. istg conservatives think we're the boogeyman or some shit. Also kept getting misgendered... some lady who knew me from my childhood says "oh you've grown into such a beautiful young lady" and I straight up felt ill..

Anyway.. during that event my mother had a medical emergency.. she had a mini stroke.. my mom was very confused wasn't aware of her surroundings.. she's normally super resistant to going to the hospital and will fight you.. but she was so confused she got up, got her shoes on and got into the car and walked into the hospital without a fight...later she nearly punched me in the face while we were trying to hold her down so the nurses could get an IV in.. (they don't have daytime security at the local hospital and they don't have restraints) she said she doesn't remember any of it..,

As for my relationship.. I still have a boyfriend.. he's been pretty busy with work though.. his boss moved him to a super inconvenient schedule 3pm to 9pm.. every single day, no days off..

He's also had so much trouble with his car that it's not even funny. It's all been the coolant.. he thinks he's fixed it though so.. I'm hoping that won't be an issue as much.

So it's been hard for us (especially me.., because.. like my last relationship ended shortly after my ex couldn't make it out to see me.., he did finally admit it was excuses so.. I'd be lying if I didn't say I was afraid of that happening again) but we're enduring it.. he's a sweetheart and has been making time to talk to me after work almost every night until he gets too tired to continue..

It helps a lot.. he makes me feel wanted and he is trying his best to make it work so we can see eachother in person 😊he'll be coming out tomorrow morning and staying until 1pm.. we only get 2 hrs together but it's fine.. any amount of time with him that I get is worth it.

I promised him one day if he's able to visit for longer we'll watch Heathers: The Musical and get slushies... mountain dew, cherry or lime flavored ofc (iykyk) he's into that idea thankfully lol..

it's a requirement that everyone in my life watches Heathers at least once... I've seen it so many times I could almost recite the entire thing... 🤭

But that's all for now, when I get the motivation I will write requests!

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #148

Have you ever seen an alligator? Yes, both in the zoo and wild.

When you first wake up do you check your cellular device? Yes, because I'll wanna know what time it is.

How well do you think you’d... work out, in a Christian school? Well this depends; my last college was actually a Christian college, but they didn't push any sort of doctrine onto students; I loved the school, even, they were great people. HOWEVER, if I was pressured into a religion by a school (isn't that illegal, anyway?), I'd get kicked out real fuckin fast.

Do you like Kanye West? Nope, not as a musician and DEFINITELY not as a person.

Do you have any lockets? No, I've always kinda wanted one though, haha.

Do you make kissy faces in pictures? ugh no I'd rather you just shoot me

Do you know your social security number (or equivalent) off by heart? At this moment, I do, but I very often forget the first three numbers.

Do you know a Stephen? I don't.

Green or purple? Purple.

Have you ever watched a meteor shower? No, I wish!!!

Has religion ever come between you and somebody? Yes. It's especially the reason I'm not friends with Mini anymore, because due to her faith, she was trans/homophobic and also extremely pro-life. Her selling pro-life stickers and stuff following the overturning of Roe v. Wade was the final fucking straw, like congrats for benefiting from women having their fucking lives ruined.

Ever have an ultra-sound performed on you? What was it for? Yes, something about my liver as a teenager, I don't remember the details. Everything was fine.

How long has your favorite animal been your favorite animal? Since 2005 when Meerkat Manor came out; I was nine.

When was the last time you spoke to your mom? Lil while ago in the kitchen.

Do you have an Instagram? I have three, one being a personal one and the other two for different types of photography.

If so how many posts do you have? None have a whole lot, but I don't care at all to count.

Can you juggle? Absolutely not, never been able to.

What’s your favorite color combination? Probably black and gold.

Have you ever seen your favorite animal in real life? Only once at the zoo in 5th grade. :( They moved them somewhere else afterwards.

Does your cat purr really loud? (if you have a cat) Haha yes, Girt refers to his louder purring as "lawnmowering" and it's so accurate.

What’s your mom’s name? Donna.

Do you have multiple friends with the same name? Not really "multiple," no. The only case where name confusion happens sometimes is when me or mom and Girt's family say "Ashley," because both myself and Girt have an older sister named Ashley. We kinda just have to use context clues to know which one, but even then there have been instances of not realizing the other Ashley was the subject.

Have you ever gotten up in the middle of the night just to talk to someone? No, but someone has done this for me, and I'm going to be pained for my entire life that I never got to hug and thank her.

Do you watch The Simpsons or any other cartoons? No.

What's your favorite kind of jam/jelly? Grape.

What have you last been diagnosed with? Hypothyroidism, officially, following some blood tests after being taken off my old thyroid med to get a baseline; it's apparently majorly severe, which explains a WHOLE fuckin lot. I'm on a different (and supposedly more effective) med now and will get more tests later to hopefully see it stabilize.

What was the last restaurant you ate at? Red Robin, for Mother's Day.

Do you believe in psychic ability? Absolutely not and it's infuriating that people are willing to scam generally vulnerable people like that. So-called "mediums" are even worse.

When did you last have pizza delivered? It's been a good while. I've been craving pizza actually, but I'm avoiding even suggesting it as best I can, especially after meeting my nutritionist and having fresh motivation to eat better.

What's your favorite decoration in your place of residence? I'm not sure, we have quite a lot of stuff up, especially in the living room.

Have you ever held a chicken? I know I've held a chick, but never an adult.

Are you hard to please? No.

What’s your least favorite genre of TV show? I hate those shows like Maury or Jerry Springer shit, stuff that puts people's private lives on display for ridicule and likewise purposes.

What’s your least favorite genre of music? Probably country. I'm not into rap either, but at least sometimes the non-vocals are fun or interesting.

What physical traits have you inherited from your father? Idk, nothing that is extremely obvious, at least to me. I'm pretty sure Dad was born dirty blonde though, and I was too, but his hair turned black and mine brown.

How about your mother? Height and general weight, but she's still smaller than me, especially post-chemo. Our skin is also similar, both in paleness and also freckling, at least on my arms. She has it more widespread and obvious than I do.

Which friend of yours has the prettiest, most unique name? I have always thought Alon was a beautiful name. I've never met or known another person with it.

When it comes to nose piercings, do you prefer a ring or stud? Studs.

Does your job have any restrictions on piercings and tattoos? What are they? I'm unemployed, and while I know there's plenty of people who would call it petty, I wouldn't take a job that perpetuated the "tattoos and piercings are unprofessional" shit.

Do you want or have your belly button pierced? It's not and never has been; if I had a certain kind of body, I'd absolutely get it done, but for some reason I'm really weird about me personally getting one at my size, despite the fact I'd cheer seeing another woman my size getting it done. I'm just very uncomfortable drawing attention to my abdomen.

Ever been in a physical fight? How did it go? Nope.

Do you like swimming? Do you have a pool? I like swimming a lot actually, I love being in water and even more I love the sound of it, I like watching light on it... but I don't swim a lot, partially because I hate getting changed out of wet bathing suits (and I actually wear swimming pants too because I don't want to show my legs, and THEY'RE the worst getting off), but also we don't have a pool. Growing up we did, but at this house and the last one, we didn't.

Is anyone you know racist or sexist? How do you feel about it? Oh certainly, especially here in the south; you see racism more, but both are fucking awful and I openly think you're fucking garbage if you hold prejudices like these.

Do you like mint-flavored gum? Yep.

If you house with your parents, do you pay rent to live at home? Why or why not? Do you know if your parents will ever make you pay rent? If so, when? I'm unemployed, so no. Even whenever I do get a job, I'm doubtful Mom would ask me to, but I'm immediately contributing whether she likes it or not.

Ever have sex outside of a relationship? No, that's not for me.

If a taken person pursued you and you were interested, would you do anything with them? No, I'm not going to be someone's second choice.

If you had a hot cousin, would you have sexual relations with them? Jesus Christ, no. Incest is majorly fucking gross to me.

Have your exes gotten better looking since you dated them? I don't know; I haven't seen most since we dated. I've seen a single picture of Jason in more recent times, in which he had full facial hair, but it was a candid photo at an angle so I couldn't really digest how different he really looked.

How often do you expect your SO to talk to you (either through texting, phone calls, etc)? I would be concerned if he didn't message me for an entire day, because we generally talk quite a bit throughout every day. I'd worry something was wrong.

How tall do you stand? Haha I found out the other day at the doctor I'm exactly 5'4.6'', so that's why I hear 5'4'' from some people and 5'5'' from others.

How many people are in your family? I consider my immediate/most base "family" to be my parents, two full-blooded sisters (I just don't see/interact with the halves enough... though I wish I did), my older sister's three children, and Girt, his sister, her son, and Girt's mom. Oh, and I guess Kim too, Dad's wife, but she will NEVER be what my biological mom is to me; I don't even call her "Mom" or anything of the sort, she's just Kim. AND THE PETS!!! Roman, Venus, and Cookie are all absolutely family in my eyes, and even Girt's dog Charlie that I haven't seen THAT many times is family to me.

What color is your keyboard? Black, but the keys light up red.

Do you have a laptop or a desktop? Laptop, it's a lot more convenient imo.

What were you doing at midnight last night? I'm pretty sure Girt left right around that time, but I was nearly asleep so am not totally sure.

What woke you up this morning? At some point my body did naturally, and I just barely dragged myself out of bed to go take my thyroid med (I have to take it at least 30 minutes before eating and my other meds), and then I didn't wake back up until Mom got me up for my psychiatry appointment.

Are you picky about who you give your number to? Oh for sure, I barely have any contacts in my phone.

Are you afraid of roller coasters? Yes, very.

Do you know anyone who suffers from depression? Yes, myself among MANY other people.

[TW: DRUG USE] Have you ever injected a drug? No, not into that whatsoever.

Have you ever fallen asleep on someone? Definitely as a kid, as well as on Jason and Girt.

Of all your exes, which one is your least favorite? Sara.

Do you prefer to be cuddled or kissed? Depends on the mood; I'd always be up for cuddling Girt though, while I don't always want to kiss, but on the other hand there are cases where I don't just want to cuddle, either.

Your most recent ex says they still love you. You say… lol no she doesn't, this isn't a situation I can even picture.

Who was your first boy/girlfriend? Aaron was the first guy with the title, but Jason was definitely my first real significant other.

How did your first kiss happen? We were playfighting on his bed, he pinned me, so I kissed him.

Where did you meet the last person you were in a car with? She gave birth to me.

When was the last time you had a box of chocolates? What kind were they? Valentine's Day, from Girt. They were different flavors and fillings.

Of all your relatives & close friends, whose birthday is closest to yours? My youngest niece's, I think.

Did you have a cake on your last birthday? What kind? No actually, I wanted donuts instead.

Where do you think your best friend(s) is right now? He should be at home, unless he had to go out for something today.

What is your central philosophy in life? To act with love and that love is something worth fighting for, and that is in all forms, not just romantic.

What moral code do you follow and why? Treat others how I'd want them to treat me, and to never, ever hurt/kill someone unless in very literal self-defense.

What is the person you are most dependent on (your dad, the welfare office, your personal maid, your seeing-eye-dog, your mailman)? My mom. I feel like her kid that never truly grew up, and I mean that negatively. She never asked for a child that would always be a parasite on her.

What expletives do you use in surprise or irritation (swears, gasps, yowza, etc)? "Jesus Christ" and "fuck" happen the most I think, but sometimes "shit" or "god(fucking)damn" happen.

What are the five worst things possible to happen to you? Depression and mental illness as a whole + the suicidal ideation that comes with it, a traumatic breakup, way too many hospitalizations that didn't benefit me, my parents' divorce (in terms of how I handled it, it NEEEEEEEDED to happen), and honestly I think the muscle atrophy in my legs.

What is the worst you’ve ever been injured or sick (broken arm, cancer, hang nail)? A wicked stomach virus that had me puking relentlessly, I'm talkin' to where you're barely getting bile out and your abs are in agony.

What object(s) do you like to keep near you? My phone, more than anything else. I tend to like to have a drink of some sort too, I drink (not alcohol, just in general) A LOT.

Which one of your relatives is most likely to embarrass you? My dad.